Headphones vs speakers….

For me, headphones versus speakers in a room are two completely different experiences. Rather like comparing a roadster to a luxury sedan -- each has their attractive qualities, but which you like better at any given moment depends on what mood you're in.

That said, it sounds like you've put a lot of effort into getting your headphone system the way you like it (though interestingly you didn't say what headphones you bought.)  Perhaps you need to put some more effort into your loudspeaker system, though I have to say Totems have never done much for me, though I know they have a following.

Two more thoughts -- first, ever try any planar headphones?  I recently picked up a pair of Hifiman Sundaras and have been very pleased with their performance. Overall, I like them better than the Stax phones I used to have.  Note they have this model available in both closed and open back.

Second, you indicate you are "95% of the way there...."  My comment here is that you are ALWAYS at the mercy of the recording, and there is no shortage of mediocre and even poor recordings out there.  The problem is if a playback system -- phones or speakers -- "fixes" or improves a mediocre or poor recording, it is also going to mess with a good recording.   As such, even if you have an unlimited budget, there are always compromises involved in the playback gear chosen.  If you are 95% of the way to where you want to be, my advice is to stay reasonable about your expectations for further improvement. Don't spoil your enjoyment of where you are.