God, I hate to ask this…


Recent conversations with the oncologist have been replete with phrases like ‘stage 4’,metastasis’ and unappealing statistics applied to survival rates. While my real and financial affairs are well settled I am most perplexed with how to approach this large pile of audio stuff e.g. 3 secondary systems in addition to the primary one, several thousand lp’s, a similar number of CD’s/SACD’s, a closet full of cable etc. I am utterly confident that I am not alone in this. While I am comfortable that my wife will love and care for my dog I am less confident that the Avantgardes will elicit such emotional investment. Although my immediate inclination is to cling desperately to these treasured objects it seems patently unfeeling to expect someone else to deal with all of this. My wife will have enough to do. I could just divest myself of much of it and depend on the collection of headphones that I began to amass during the first illness. I really don’t want to do this. I would also like to pre-bequeath much of it to friends assuming that they wanted it but all of them have been adamant in their refusal to discuss this with me and probably will remain so until the 11th hour. As childlike as it seems, I am emotionally invested in these fruits of a lifelong passion and want them to end up where they will be respected and loved . This seems to be a juncture that we will all come to. I would be grateful to hear the contemplations that all you have had in this, admittedly, sobering matter. 
To all of you, good cheer and good health.

 

williamjohnston

Showing 1 response by timothy468

Wow - what a moving post. A reminder of my own mortality and who is in charge and it ain't me. I had just finished editing a document on my computer entitled "How to live my life without me" – a comprehensive guide to knowing what to do with all my stuff when I am dead and gone. The document presumes that along the way before the end, I will be too sick or not care enough at that point to tell them what I want.

I would keep it simple. The energy that you still have now might be best spent on people and not on stuff.

That said, I believe that the simplest path forward is to speak to the dealer who sold you the bulk of your stuff and ask them to help out your family after you are gone, or unable to participate in this particular process.

I bought a vintage tuner from a dealer, who told me that the family of one of their long-time collector clients had asked him to help move along the components he had in his collection (almost all McIntosh equipment), after his death. I was struck by the joy that the dealer had in the (re)discovery of the cool things in the collection, and in helping them find new homes. I bet knowing someone will have that joy of discovery that you once had with your components will sit better with you now, than worrying that the stuff will feel like a burden to those grieving your incapacity or loss.

Hang in there. The poet Carlyle wrote "It's not life, but living, that matters". I will pray that you enjoy all the living that you have in you, as long as you can. As a mentor once said, "If you can tell the difference between a noun and a verb, I'm in favor of verbs". 

Tim