Getting married, and I need to redo system.. ?'s..

Gthush1, when you've been married as long as I have (19 years) you'll know better than to tell her the cost of such products. I have a seperate credit card, and seperate my money. She might complain if she sees too many transactions, but she never knows the cost. Cables and power cords are easy, she doesn't see them, so as far as she knows, there hasn't been a transaction. She only notices new speakers, amps, cd players, etc.
Pat, you are lucky. I have a friend whose wife shares his audio hobby, but alas, mine thinks it 'silly'. She'd rather I invest the money in a 2003 Jaguar for her, so she doesn't have to trudge around in her 1998 Toyota Camry. Such a rough life.

Hello All:

I would like to express a heart felt thanks to everyone who has responded so far. I seem to be getting plenty of good advice as to what I can expect out of married life once I say those "all so fatal" words "I DO". And all of the advice I have received so far will be considered very heavily, or will be adheard to to the letter.

And now, I would like to make a few "individual" responses for a moment mind you????

(01). "Kotta" (Bill): Thanks for wishing me the best of luck in my upcoming marriage. I think that down the road, I'm going to need it. We won't be getting the house right off the bat. I still (and I believe she does too) have some bills that I need to finish taking care of first before there can even be any serious talk as far as us getting a house is concerned. I believe she has some other bills she needs to take care of. And I may need to pay off a student loan, a few credit cards, and still need to deal with an ongoing car payment before there is any talk of us getting a house and taking on what is potentially, a 20-to-30 year mortgage (which is something that she and I will do together...... and I will turn 40 in April, 2003. So that alone is something to think about in itself). If and when that comes to being, then I do plan to go through with the "room in the basement" idea, and I am going to be pretty gun-ho about it. When it is time to change the speakers, the KEF Q1 is going to be my choice, as it seems to fulfill all of the requirements I am looking for from a speaker. Mainly, I am going to looking for musicality first and foremost. Then I am going be looking for video sheilding (something that the KEF Reference 102's are not), and then I am going to be looking for looks and fit and finish as well, which as for now, the WAF is going to be a big factor as well. But again, thanks and regards to you as well.

(02). "Jmcgrogan2" (John): "Your explanation of how as part of the package she has to know that she's marrying an audiophile, blah, blah, blah is very logical and makes greats sense to me. However, women are different from men. In general, women are more emotional and men are more logical. Sure there are exceptions, I got married because I thought I had me an exception. I didn't.
My advice: if there is anything that you want, any piece of gear, regardless of price, buy it now. Buy as much as you can now. The purse strings will tighten up after you say "I Do"".

And my response is, you're right. Nothing else could be further from the truth. And believe me, your advice is great advice, and it will be "WELL" taken. And since I plan to trade in for a lot of my new gear anyway, most of my new gear is already going to be there when my fiance and I finally exchange our vows. All I have to say is when we are at my apartment for one last time to gather which things are going with me, and which ones aren't, all I have to do is point to all of my gear and say "honey, "ALL (and I will mean ALL OF IT)" of this stuff is going with me, and then don't bother to discuss it further with her, and then point to the other stuff that is NOT going, and say that stuff will stay, and as far as I am concerned, we can get rid of it". About the only thing that I won't have by the time we move into our new home is that High Definition Widescreen Rear Projection Television that I want so badly. But I think that with a little time, patience, and some loving persuesion and a little give and take, I think I can talk her into letting me get one of those as well. But anyway, thanks again for the great advice, John. Your advice will be well taken. And yes...... I am going to plan to maintain my own money, and I am going to have credit cards that are going to be separate from hers.

(03). "Sean": Great idea. I am going to forget that I am an audiophile, and make sure that as soon as our marriage starts, that we will have our financial house in order, and that any money matters that's going to come up before, and right after the marriage starts are going to be resolved right from the start. Any matters or situations that may come up at anytime during the marriage will be dealt with when the situations present themselves to the forefront. The preliminary thing we're going to do right now is split all of the expenses down the middle. And that will include the rent (and later on, a mortgage hopefully), the utilities, the telephone bills, the medical bills (if any should ever incur), credit cards, insurance premiums (for health, our home, and our cars), food, and whatever else may come up. I was going to even thinking about trading in my 1999 Honda Accord EX sometime after next year or so. But now, I probably just go ahead and keep it. Because with a new marriage happening and all, that alone is going to be expensive. And with that burden standing in the way right now, I don't see where am I going to come up with the money to get me another car (and I want me an Audi A4 2.8, or a Lexus GS-400). So as it stands right now, it looks like the Honda is going to be sticking around for awhile. Also, I don't know if we're going to be getting any joint accounts or not. We'll deal with that issue when that comes up. I am sort of leaning against doing that, but at least, I am willing to listen to what she has to say about that issue when that issue comes up. I prefer to take care of the expenses she and I will be incurring together, and then keeping our incomes separate after that. That is, she holds onto hers, and I hold onto mine. That way, she can buy all of the clothes that she wants to buy (and god knows what else), and I can continue to pursue my hobby, which is audio. Lastly, even though I will be turning 40 next year, biological studies will indicate that I can, and am able to father children until I am in my mid 60's. So, I have at least 25 more years to father children if I choose to do so. My new wife (but my fiance now) won't be as fortunate. She's going to be 44 in December, and I don't know how long she has to go before she starts to deal with menopause. But it is safe to say that in the next couple of years, she won't be able to mother any children after she finishes going through menopause. So, I don't think we're going to encounter any problems regarding children or anything of the sort. And I also hope she's a keeper as well. Well...... only time will tell me so, wouldn't it???

(04). "Drasta": For what plasmas go for right now, I ought to be able to get her a "GIANT" sized diamond for about the same price. And I cannot afford either one of those. She's already getting a diamond (though it won't be a really fat one...... but it will be a nice one), so I think that she should be content with that. And to answer your second question...... no...... I haven't told her about my "proposed" system yet. But since it's to be housed either in a den or in a room that is inside of a basement, and not anywhere else in the house (the living room...... god forbid), I don't think that it would even matter. Also, I plan to have a lot of this gear already before I walk down the aisle with her. So, it's not going to be a matter of acquiring any gear after we are married. It's already going to be there, and it will be going with me to the new home if and when that happens. So then, in hindsight, neither the Aego-2 or the Aego-5 systems will not do it for me. And Bose systems need not apply.

(05). "Twl": Thanks........ And believe me, I will. And even if I don't get 100% of what I want as far as a system is concerned after about 5 years of marriage, I am going to stop and evaluate where our marriage is at that point, and where it is going, as well as where it is heading. Trust me when I say this. This is not going to be the type of marriage in which I being the male partner in the marriage, is going to concede to all of my wife's needs and wants. I am going to make sure that this is going to be a 50/50 marriage. I have to give up some of the things that I want to do sometimes just for the sake of trying to keep the marriage going, and I expect her to do the same. I say this because, if it comes right down to the fact that I am doing all of the conceding, and she's hardly doing any of her own, then there is going to be problems in the marriage from the get go. And as a man, to a man, I am going to be a man of my word and stick to that ideal. If there are not going to be any potential marital problems or any causes for possible marital discord later on in the marriage, then it is going to be imperitive that both partners (meaning she and I) are going to have do some give and take sometime. That's the one and ONLY way that our marriage is going to survive. And when I get my Rega Planar 25, I will keep that in mind when I go and get a cartridge for that. And for that, I may consider either an Audio Technica AT-OC9, one of the moderately priced Benzes, or the Dynavector model you have just mention.

(06). "Psychicanimal": I would like to do that. But depending on what type of home we end up buying, that might pretty impractical for me keep separate systems. That is why I designed the system that I have designed above. So I can have the best gear that I can possibly afford with regards to musicality, and video performance as well, and try to keep things as simple and on as small a scale as possible.

(07). "Tsrart" (Pat): Yeah........ that's what I thought too. My fiance and I have already had this "ALL SO IMPORTANT" discussion, and it sounds like from the beginning, she's going to be supportive about me and the continued pursuit of my hobby. But she may be saying one thing now, and might do something totally different later on, when we are finally married. So, in that regard, the jury is still out on that. Let's give it about 3-to-5 years into the marriage so I can see as to how far she's willing to let me go as far as future equipment purchases are concerned. Or I could be down in the room with my system's volume control turned all the way up to the 12:00 or 1:00 position (which means my system will be EXTREMELY loud) and I could be tapping at a great performance that I may have in the CD Player, or I could be up and about on the floor getting my groove on, and all of the sudden, she could have temper tantrum and blow up at me either for something I might have done wrong, or she could tell me to turn it down pretty frequently (too often for my liking). And believe me..... nothing kills the moment or the mood than having your wife do that to you. So, I like your optimism. But maybe I better wait and see if I really am going to end up with a good one or not.

Well, like I said to all who have already responded. Thanks and keep the responses coming in. I definitely appreciate the input I have received so far. You all are a great bunch of people to be around.

--Charles--

Gentlemen, I submit my qualifications: 50 yrs. old, married 15 yrs., three college degrees (Doctorate), and sufficient life experience. Your expectation before marriage and the reality after will be miles apart. The answer lies in the advertisements for Paxil , bipolar disorder medication, etc. All the ads are aimed at women because they suffer more than men from these emotional illnesses. Unfortunately people change as they grow older and women more than men. I hope your situation going forward is different but the statistics are against you.

Charles --

I do wish you the best of luck, and hope that you have gotten a "good one."

I meant to respond to some of the other posts that have appeared in this thread, as I've been following it with some curiosity, but now I see it slowly but surely turning from "audiophile marriage advice" into something that I feel is dangerously close to outright misogyny.

Happy audiophile marriages are doomed because women are likely to suffer from emotional disorders? What??? Why not go whole hog and point out that Charles will also have to keep his system VERY quiet for 5-7 days every month, or remind him of all the OTHER ways in which woman is inferior to man?

I may not have a doctorate (I quit after my Master's), but I speak as someone who is VERY happily married to one of those women with an "emotional illness" -- an anxiety disorder stemming from 18 years of an abusive father. You might just as easily decide that you will have NO problems at all, because your wife is much more likely than you to die of breast cancer at a young age, or that it doesn't matter at all, because you will probably be spending all of your money on prostate cancer treatments by the time you are 40.

And change happens to everyone, regardless of sex, unless they choose to stagnate -- there is no growth without change, and my mother always taught me that intelligence is defined as the ability to adapt.

Wives are NOT the enemy, people, or at least they shouldn't be. It's very easy to go on about the innate evil of womankind when a man's poor choices are actually to blame . . . but that doesn't make it any less unfair.

Charles, why do you automatically assume that your wife-to-be is likely to change her tune in 5 years? Is she untrustworthy? Has she not kept her promises in the past? If so, then the question is not "How do you keep your audiophileness," but rather "Why are you marrying her?" If you expect the worst of people, they have a way of living up to your expectations . . . . if you can't at least give the woman you're planning to spend the rest of your life with the benefit of the doubt, then I'd hazard a guess that, down the road, your stereo volume is likely to be the least of your problems.

Darn it, now I've gone and responded after all . . . .

Sorry for any tendencies towards combustion in this post, but I feel very strongly about this issue.

Tsrart, I'm glad you are happily married. I've heard that there are folks out there that are. Just out of curiousity, how long have you been married? Do you and your wife have children? I ask because these generally are major factors in how happily married one is.