Feim my Adventures with Subwoofers, here are some things that seem critical to solving integration.
Firstly, low end highlights smearing most. If your source is allowing smearing, focus on that otherwise the rest will be a battle. For example, noise in you ethernet system is, in my experience, a damaging source of noise that causes smearing. Also subs power cables, interconnects and fuses all contribute.
Next, you need to be able to place subeoofers according to room acoustics, which means you need to be able to delay the main speaker output. Adjusting phase might sound similar, but it's a convenient short cut.
Delay needs to account for not only distance but also the latency of the subwoofer - it's filters, amp, acoustic design, etc. This is not to say subs are slow,just a tad late. 12ms is alot later than 4ms. It's enough to cause smearing.
It's best to control the slopes of both the subs and the mains, so both HP and LP filters are needed. The volume level of the sub can ruin the crossover blending
24dB slope better than 12dB because it's over less frequency range.
Choose a crossover frequency that allows best tone,which may be influences by placement of the sub/s and their interaction with the room.
All this dialing in should be the foundation, the neutral/correct, for then choosing what you prefer. EQ can help tune to suit preference if you prefer a less neutral ... suits you hearing (eg. change with age).
I hope this is helpful.