About Lugnut -- Patrick Malone

I'm writing this with tears streaming down my cheeks in happiness. This thread and the one I just read about my wife and myself today has moved me like I've never been moved before. My thanks to everyone that has the courage to read and follow all of the heartfelt expressions conveyed here so touchingly. You posters and private emailers are positively fearless. That is what a person in my position needs and I'm saddened that this outpouring isn't happening to every person in similar circumstances. I've been richly rewarded. Not that I don't appreciate the gifts and other acts of generosity but the fearless way you are facing this with me and the support offered is what gives me a measure of what my life has been. I thank you all so much. I really feel like I'm a success in spite of all the mistakes I've made walking this path. My promise to you is to post as long as I am able and to be brutally honest in the hope that perhaps you take more from this experience than the experience takes from you. I love you all.

So, here's my news for today. I called a friend I haven't spoken with for some time due to another persons callous remarks. I wanted to make peace and it came easily for us both. We went out to play pool and I marveled at the juke box and it's ability to nail a rim shot as good as I've ever heard while playing eight ball. Life just doesn't get any better. The lesson here is don't let the stupid stuff get in the way with good folks. They are hard to find. A couple of quarters in a bar table is good therapy. There's always tight jeans walking by and it doesn't hurt to look. Take a break from your troubles and get simple for a few minutes and life is put into perspective. Make peace with yourself and with all that you love.

Tomorrow morning is round one of chemo and I don't expect any negative effects but even if I have one or two I know that I'll be fine and get up and do life as it should be done even if I do it a little slower or rest a little while I'm doing it. The good news is that I probably won't lose my hair for a month or two so I get to keep all of these ugly locks to irritate my friends a little longer. One of the audio club buddies nick named me fuzzy since that's about what it is on top.

I do have a favor to ask of someone that has the ability. I have a photo of Steve Dobbins (Vetterone), Paul Frumkin and myself just prior to surgery and before (as we fondly put it) the last supper. I'd like all of you guys to take a look at us and see just who you are talking to. You might want to bail from this thread!!!!! Har har har. Send me a private email and I'll forward the photo.

Best to all and a heartfelt thanks to the owners of this site for letting such a subject run its course. In the end this is a higher calling than anything audio. It's about every one of us.

I really feel like I'm a success in spite of all the mistakes I've made walking this path.

That's a great line--one in touch with the reality of life. A lot of people can't say that...

Yes, I've been watching, but as I told Frumkin, I've been in the abyss.

There's always tight jeans walking by and it doesn't hurt to look.

You're not doing *that* bad if your sex drive is still up!

With psychic power and primal intensity,

Hi all,

I'm lugnut's sister, Mary. I just wanted to thank all of you for your words of comfort, concern and encouragement for Pat and Barb. What a wonderful group of people you are!! Pat has been blessed to have such very good friends.

This high end audio hobby stuff is way over my head, but I have to say I've always enjoyed and treasured the good times listening to albums at Pat's house. Pat and I share a love for the music of Neil Young. I'll never forget hearing Stars and Bars on Pat's stereo and how awed I was by it. The experience of the album just isn't the same on my little boom box..lol. Pat and I also saw Neil Young in concert on two occasions. We were fortunate to see Neil with the shocking Pinks and I'm still asking myself "what was he thinking"... You have to give the guy credit for thinking out of the box and not just getting by with the top 40 sound. I did very much enjoy that concert. The best concert tho was when he had the crew dressed up as "road eyes" with dark hooded outfits and glowing lights for eyes. I remember that concert well. We were seated in little metal folding chairs and Barb had gripped the chair seat and found a joint stashed under the seat. What a hoot.

You couldn't ask for a better brother and friend. We have shared the best of times and the worst of times. Pat knows me like no other person on earth. Barb is everything a person could ask for in a sister in law. She is kind and caring, sensible and nurturing.

Mary

Well, well. It seems that my sis has chimed in. Thanks Mary. These foks deserve a pat on the back. Mary and I share a common demon that I'm going to deal with (well, hopefully) and maybe in my process she will be benefitted. Without going into too much detail we grew up with a mother that had severe mental issues but otherwise a decent person. She was very good at knowing the two of us would not tell dad, being the obedient kids we were. Dad was wonderful but kept out of the loop unless he conneceted the dots. We were good at hiding the dots from him. Upon leaving the nest neither could have asked for a better mother. Not that she was perfect. We would see the dark side of her but it didn't have the same impact as when we were under her control as kids so my adult years with her were great until after my father died. She then lost her mind and became the nightmare mom from hell stirring up all kinds of memories we had boxed away in the recesses of our minds. I'm not at peace with this issue at all and neither is my sister. I need to let it go, forgive mom and, if I'm lucky, show Mary the way. Wish me luck on this one because I've been trying for nearly a decade now. I do know this. Mom did the best she could do with the tools she had. I can't mimimize her early life as I know it was a true hell. She was one of nine children born to an American Indian father. A half breed during a time that society was....well, you know. Her folks died of tuberculosis when she was a teenager and she became infected also. My fathers family was opposed to the marriage because of the bloodline and I'm sure you can fill in the rest in your heads. Tough for poor old mom. Whatever she went through was certainly more than she dished out.

Here's a good piece of advice I offer if you guys find yourselves on the receiving end of chemo some day. Listen to the nurses that give you these drugs. They are way more street wise than any doctor you have. I went through chemo in the late 80's for lymphoma and was given more serious meds than I'm now getting. I developed some side effects back then but never experienced nausea, vomiting or the other nasty. So, in my infinite ignorance I didn't take those meds and spent a pretty miserable first night in the bathroom. Since that episode I've begun taking the meds and everything is fine.

Vetterone (Steve), Barb and I went to hear some pretty good un-amplified jazz last night with it ending early enough to go get some ice cream and get home early enough to watch some Saturday Night Live. For the record, I think Ludicris sucks and will forever do so. What a waste of broadcast time.

The pieces I'd sent in to be painted for my equipement rack were picked up yesterday. This is a very old project and the stuff was dropped off prior to all this stuff that has arisen in my life. Funny, but the color I chose for the shelves goes really well with the color Steve painted my music room. As soon as I take the time to put all of this in place I'll post my system as it now is and later after the upgrades so you guys can get a look. I'm really proud of how the room has shaped up. I still need to do a couple of acoustical treatments but the room is really excellent as it is, IMHO. Good dimensions anyway and enough stuff about to break up reflections.

Have a good Sunday and enjoy friends, family and music. That's my plan for the day.

Pat

This thread is unlike anything I have witnessed before, its amazing(that's hardly the proper adjective, but the best I can come up with). I want to share the short version of my father with Pat, he was diagnosed with a deemed terminal disease just over 8 years ago. At the time they gave him 5 good years, maybe less; well now its 8 years later and he's great. In fact right now we're planning how were going to get rid of all this snow we got in Albany, New York yesterday, the father/son snow removing team :)

Life throws curve balls at you, that's for sure, but the moments inbetween are what make it all worth while.