Wife trouble

stanwal and colleagues --

I enjoy and learn from the audio blogs, but seldom post.  However, your earnest revelation of being kicked out of the house and recurrent blog posts about cohabitation problems induced by audio products leads me to offer the following lessons learned.

At the risk of sounding preachy, I offer the following advice as a man married to the same woman for over 46 years.  Regarding purchases, full prior mutual disclosure is the best policy.    Over the years, my passion for vintage baseball cards, music recordings, and audio equipment has been a source of pleasure  and guilt.  I rationalized my covert spending  splendidly, on the premise that I was entitled.  I also kept a mental inventory of her (ahem!) frivolous purchases.  I stashed cash and acquired cashier's checks, and orchestrated shipment deliveries, so my wife (who has always managed our joint accounts) "wouldn't know". 

Well, guess what?  As a person of intellect and high sensory capability, she knew.  About 20 years ago, as we began to seriously plan our future "life priorities" bucket list that included activities, items, and finances as a couple, we came to the realization that it was stupid to conceal, mask, or confess after-the-fact purchases.  Since then, we talk to each other before making major purchases.  Admittedly, I don't necessarily understand why she needs more jewelry, high-end hand bags (which I mistakenly call purses), or clothes.  But then, she doesn't truly comprehend why I need a new amplifier, speaker, headphone, or set of cables.  And the truth is it doesn't  make much sense to belabor the merits of these material items.  Invariably the conversation ends with "Go for it!", "Let's hold off on it!", or "Is this more important than [fill in the blank]?" 

In the end, mutual full disclosure -- in advance -- seems like the "adult" thing to.  Plus, I can truly enjoy my new Golden Ear Triton One loudspeakers when they are drop shipped on my front porch.  I still have to carry the 85 pounders by myself up a flight of 15 stairs to my music listening and memorabilia room, but I don't wrestle with guilt or a loss of trust, or have to spend energy concocting why these two humungous boxes on pallets are blocking our front door.  Peace!

My wife and I FINALLY agreed, that we were actually seeking the exact same thing.   Someone else.

My wife has bad hearing. We are both senior citizens. She wears hearing aids during the day but takes them out when she is home. She can enjoy tv with wireless headphones, where she adjusts the volume so it can be loud enough for her and I can listen to the speakers, because I enjoy the ambiance and sound stage that you can not get from headphones. I have good MK speakers and a Yamaha receiver but I wanted better sound and I wanted to be able to talk to her during shows. We have to stop the DVR recording so she can turn off the headphones, we make our comments, and she has to restart headphones to continue the show. A pain in the a--.

Martin Logan came out with the new Masterpiece series electrostatic speakers last year. I had heard the Sequel electrostatic speakers in the late 1980’s and I was in awe with the clarity, speed, range and feeling I got from these speakers. I literally had goose bumps. The price for the speakers and necessary amps was way out of my league. I never forgot about them but I knew I could never afford them.

I started to take my wife to various headphone audio shows with me to see if I could improve our tv experience together and her enjoyment of hearing. We also listened to whatever speaker systems were available, but nothing really improved her experience. We went to one local Best Buy and found, back in the corner, a Magnolia audio shop. We looked at the tv’s and I walked into the audio area, just to see what they had. Our lives were changed. I saw these tall wire frame objects that looked like the electrostatic speakers of my younger years. I asked a salesman what they were. Martin Logan Expression ESL 13a, $14995 per pair. It was set up for 2 channel listening. With trembling anticipation, I asked to hear them. He put on an album and the goose bumps returned. It was as good as I remembered. Even though it was actually much better, my memory had evolved to be better than I probably heard. I called my wife into the room. She could see the excitement on my face, so she was not sure what to expect. She walked into the room and she froze. Even with her hearing aids on, she heard things she had not heard for decades. She heard the clarity, sharpness, and detail that the average person hears every day but those of us who no longer have that ability can only remember.

We compared the Martin Logans with the B & W 800 series diamonds that were also there and there was no comparison. The ML electrostatic speakers were in a different league. Most importantly my hard of hearing wife could easily tell the difference, something she could not do before. I gave them my credit card that day for the electrostats.

I have since purchased 2 pass lab amps, 1 emotiva 5 channel amp, a Martin Logan Focus center channel (just became available and a fabulous center). We now watch tv and movies in the evenings with no hearing aids for my wife. She gets to enjoy most of the fulness of audio that she has been missing for years.

My wife LOVES my expensive audio spending!!!! It has made our evenings together much more enjoyable. Thank you Martin Logan, Pass Labs and Emotiva.

I think if it were me I would be trying to figure out if she bailed  cuz the gear or because of some other reason. If it's truly the hi-fi,  then I would ditch the gear in furtherence of a relationship with a loved one. Get the relationship on stronger ground and regroup and try and slowly reintroduce hi-fi at a later time. On the other hand if she was going to leave irregardless of the hi-fi, and the hi-fi was just the scape goat, then I wouldn't get rid of it. Because it ultimately won't change anything. Only you can make that determination. 
My uncle brought me into this crazy addiction, as he puts it's a disease. But a manageable one. He always said, "We aren't into drugs, we don't gamble, we don't chase women, we aren't into drinking and raising hell, but the one little vice is we are into hi-fi". It keeps life interesting...

Whenever I purchase any audio equipment over a grand, I give my wife an equivalent amount to do as she want. Keeps me very careful about what I buy and she now loves my audio passion.