About Lugnut -- Patrick Malone

Ron,

The Eastern Electric was on my short list but due to my need of a good phono stage and to keep the overall cost down the TAD won out. I'll post however this works in my system. Every time I think about the anti-cables I get a smile on my face. I hope they work for you. But, even if they don't it's a really inexpensive experiment. Maybe my buddy Steve will post his views on them here. Our audio club meeting is at his house this evening and he has been playing with the wire I left with him.

The last several posts (other than mine) have touched on stuff that's near and dear to my heart but didn't come up in an honest fashion until now. Howard (Aggielaw), expresses surprise at a lack of bitterness about not being diagnosed sooner. Believe me when I say that the lack of bitterness is not because I'm some amazing character. It's just that I don't have time for it. Maybe I would be bitter if I had some time to burn but I don't. Long time acquaintences know that in cases like this I would normally just get angry, express it directly and move on. When I was very young this would often lead to a physical confrontation that I could not lose in order to make my point. Thankfully, I figured out that winning like that just doesn't prove anything other than I could beat the offender up. Somewhere, some time, I connected the dots and determined that I could use my anger to achieve something good if lucky. I learned how to never raise my voice and remain focused on the offense, express myself and move on. I try to use my anger in a way that makes the offender look in a mirror and see clearly their flaws. Sometimes it works. It doesn't matter now because I'm very limited physically, but trust me on this, I'm glad that when I was young I learned to fight well. Situations have come up during my life where things could have degenerated to physical confrontation but didn't because of my inner confidence. This is kind of a rambling I'm going through now and I hope you guys can wade through it. To an extent, it's the steroids talking. My mind goes faster than my ability to control it. Anyway, in closing this thought, all of this bitterness, anger and such is really controlled by forseeing regret on my part. Every confrontation I've had was followed by regret no matter how right I was. I hate that feeling so allowing it to guide me makes me choose my fights carefully. (At this time I worry that I'm expressing myself at a frequency that you guys can't follow. Sorry if I'm not the normal writer you are used to)

Jadem6 covered the way we are to relate to one another which has been a recurring theme in this thread. It's worthy of repeating here and throughout our lives. Maybe we should all begin our morning with a chant of some sort..."I will be nice". Immature folks will dismiss it out of hand and a lot of us will easily forget it with the passage of time. We need to have this be the driving force in our lives but still be able to call upon rightous anger when needed.

Rockinroni was the last to express it but many others have said the same thing over and over here. You continue to pray for me and my family. Well, my family and I pray for you all too. My beliefs are traditional Christian but I know that there are a lot of readers here that aren't a part of this belief system. Many have expressed as much but still offer prayers in their own way. So, let me sidetrack you for a moment. If you've followed this thread from the beginning I and others have stated that most of what happens to us isn't by accident. Well, I've struggled with the music of John Coltraine for a long time. Just before my surgery I was given a book about the making of his album "A Love Supreme". I'm about halfway through it now and reading it is also no accident. The message to me has significance at this time and I'd like to share it. John had evolved to a place where he embraced every religion and felt strongly that the recurring theme of all the worlds religions said the same thing, just love. It's obvious that he wanted to glorify God and the only thing he could do was make music as close to perfection as he could and that is what he did with "A Love Supreme". Apparently this ablum has touched something deep inside many people and it goes beyond the notes. Man, I must have twenty Coltraine albums but I don't have this one. I want to hear it real bad too but haven't found a copy to put on the turntable. Now, back to my point. Like John Coltraine, I embrace whatever each of you believe in. That's not to say that I wouldn't wish to convert you to what I think I know. It's just that if you have belief in something greater than the slime we are supposed to have crawled out of you are on your way and it honors my God that you are walking a path toward an end. All of you, no matter what, pray. I don't know how but it makes a difference. (Another concern that I'm operating at an impossible frequency for you to follow) Please play the Twilight Zone intro...

I have gotten a lot of emails, phone calls and personal visits since this thread began. The volume is pretty large and I really enjoy it. Cello called yesterday. His calls always make me feel so good. He and his family have gotten something out of this "novel in progress", as Jeff1 so aptly put it, and this pleases me to no end. I will deny to the end that I'm brave or special or whatever though. I am what I am which is terribly flawed and I appreciate you guys overlooking my flaws in this time of need. You all have served me well. A non-posting member named Paul that I met for the first time in Miami at the "gathering" sent me an email that really showed bravery. He spoke at length about my need to confront how I want to die and convey my wishes to those in my charge. That took balls and it came from one of the gentlest people I've ever met. He described events surrounding his fathers death and layed the options I have before me. This email was no accident either. I do not have a crystal ball, and forgive now if my suspicion proves wrong later on, but I'm beginning to think that the Taxol will fail sooner than I hoped. Things are going on with my body, none of which are horrible, after just one treatment that if they get worse will make stopping this treatment necessary. That point is where my character will be tested and that is why it was no accident that Paul wrote me about end of life choices.

Paul Frumkin has invited me to visit him late this month and attend an awards dinner where AIVS is being presented a product award by Stereo Times. I'd love to go for a number of reasons. I've never been to NYC and would love to see the faces of audio people I've only read about. Mainly I'd love to see Paul again and meet his sweet wife. He was the first to reach out to me and has proven as reliable as the sun rising each morning. Airline tickets are cheap and I could book a flight gambling on feeling well enough to attend. Yesterday proved to my satisfaction that I just don't have enough vitality to even consider it. That hurts. Sitting here and doing the little things I do around the house I feel good enough to do it. Doing anything else outside of this easy pace proves I cannot. Tonight is our monthly club meeting and in order to attend I'll need to take all day to get my body ready. Barb will be going with me because we both recognize that I may need her to get home. If that's what I must do to travel twenty miles it's obvious I can't save up enough of myself to do the flying thing back east. It would just be too long a day. Paul, I'm really sorry.

I've got to ask you guys for a couple of favors. Before doing so I again want to express my gratitude to Audiogon for allowing this thread to continue. Thanks. Okay, so at some point I'll be outta here. Maybe I'll write something meaningful and my family will post it here or maybe one of you that is in personal contact with me will post to inform everyone what has happened. I'm sure that there will be additional posts that I will not be able to read. Audiogon, please let it stay up until it's done. What I'm hoping is that someone will figure out a way to print this thread in its entireity and give it to Barb in a nice keepsake package. The other favor is harder to ask. We guys are like those lions in the jungle. We hang around together and bond in large numbers letting the women worry about so much of the details in life. I've got a huge support group. My wife has spent her life focusing on me and our little family. I know that when I'm gone my friends will reach out to her. The problem is that there will be an expiration date with it. I cannot rely on her family to pick up where friends leave off. It's not that they are bad people. Far from it. They are just not as deep at this point in time as my wife will need in the long run. If some of you write down the following contact information and put it somewhere where it's in front of your face every day then maybe you'll be compelled periodically to write or call. If you have a certain expertise that may be of benefit for her please push and offer some small kind of help. You know, the things you figure I handled and she has no experience in. Just good, solid advice on simple things may make a huge difference. I feel uncomfortable asking this but now that I've done it, I can live with that. You may contact her at Barb Malone, 307 W. Sherman Ave., Nampa, Idaho 83686, (208) 467-3540. Thanks guys. I appreciate it.

Jeff1, I'm impressed that you visualized me the way I actually look, or rather looked. Geez, I look pretty unfamiliar to myself now. LOL. Also, thanks for the babe compliment about Barb. She is a class woman and has been since the moment I met her. When young she was a total knockout and every head turned to look at her. Everybody that got to know her loved her sweet and kind disposition. She has always made me feel secure in our relationship no matter what. She has aged like a fine wine and to me will be beautiful no matter how old she becomes. I hope some really nice, deserving guy wins her heart someday. She's good people.

Thanks for reading this long, rambling post and enduring the discomfort I know it brings. I feel better for having said it and now I'll be able to just focus on smaller things and happier things like the new cartridge and preamp. Thanks to you all for keeping this thread alive. I'm sure you know how much it's meant to me.

That was a really cool post Bin. All of you guys have been so nice to me. Now, get this. What should be pretty lazy days because I get up without any plans almost always turn out to be very full. Man, I must have gotten five calls yesterday from afar just wishing me well and then the conversations turn to audio. Lot's of fun on the receiving end. It gets so full at times that I don't keep things straight. Here's a perfect example. Barb brought home a package and inside was an album "Traveling Willburys". I remember a call asking me if I had it but I don't remember the particulars so I figured I'd go to my email and send a thank you. Wrong. Ain't that organized I guess. So, whoever sent this, thanks and I'm sorry for not responding in a more apporpriate manner. Oh. And Paul, when I remarked I had a lifetime supply I really wasn't talking about my remaining life but rather on the quantity at hand. As soon as I said it I saw the humor. Glad you did too. I know you'll always make sure there is enough AIVS around this house. Every day has a healthy dose of humor around here even if it's by accident.

Hey guys, I should be getting the new cartridge today. I'll be twisting Steve's arm to come over and help my shakey hands install it. This will be fun. I fear I may have lost my anti-cables. After the club meeting at Steve's place the other night the lineup of guys wanting to give them a try was pretty long. I just said to pass them around but get them back to me. Har har. No matter at all. I smile every time I think about. People excited about a product that's almost free. What a hoot!

I go in for my second round of Taxol today and figure it will be anti-climactic. They're pretty slow the first time they give any new drug in anticipation of a negative reaction. Subsequent infusions go pretty quickly and this time I won't be given a huge dose of Benedryl. Man, that was a pretty intense high last week. Not bad at all. Kind of fun actually. It did take my day away though. I'm looking forward to getting back home today and resuming all the surprise activity that seems to occur.

We've been a four car family with two drivers. In quick succession one car got hit by someone that ran a stop sign and is totaled. I sold the Nova and then put the family sedan in the shop for a bunch of small items I've neglected. We're down to just my truck. I've been meaning to return a bunch of albums to SdCampbell and haven't done it. I'd like to get smaller boxes so those poor Postal employees don't get hurt but haven't been able to get to U-Haul to get some. Scott, I will get it done soon. Promise.

When we went to Steve's place on Monday for our audio club get together I finally got a chance to meet the sweet gal that helped him with my room remodel in late December. Seeing as how they are still seeing one another after hanging wall paper.....well, that's a good sign for being able to get along.

I received the ZYX R100H Yatra 2 today. Steve was kind enough to come over and install it rather than me using my shakey hands. I've got to say that right out of the box I was totally blown away. Of course, there are issues to be resolved through break in but man oh man, the details, body, speed, dynamics and frequency extremes are really something to behold. And this is through my solid state preamp. It's way more than I expected. The negatives for now is an edge in the mid range to upper mid range with vocals and some horns. I only have an hour or so on it and the edge is already getting less. If the break in goes as I've heard with the Universe in Steve's system it will become incredibly smooth yet retain all of the positives I've described. I haven't yet played with the VTA but I'm sure it's very close. Tracking has been set a little over what is preferred once broken in and is at 2.09 grams. Next week after 100 hours or so it'll go down to a more suitable 1.95 or so. The preamp has shipped and it too should be pretty well on it's way to being broken in late next week. Some friends have a lot of vintage tubes to try out with it so this should be fun. Wish me luck in having a lot of satisfaction when first fired up. If that's the case I'm done. Life is very good. Almost forgot. Spent 4 hours in chemo today. It's a pretty uneventful, boring thing to do. It seems I'm tolerating it well but have been advised about a number of irritating things that I will have to live with. Numbness in the fingers and feet, hair loss, taste change and perhaps some type of subborn and painful rash. That's okay as long as I've got my hearing and my wife. Plus, who needs to look in a mirror? It seems also that my friends really, honestly don't care what I look like. Why should I?

Howard, that was one of the best compliments I've ever received. I'd love to think that I could make people smile. Hell, I figured I pissed off most of the people that I've met. Just joking. Smile in unison everyone just for old Lugnut cause it makes him feel goooood.

And, Springbok10 I'm glad you explained the rugby thing. Unleash this thread upon them. Remember, it ain't about me or music or equipment. This thread belongs to everyone. Not once is six pages of posts has there been an unkind word said. On the internet no less. The worlds rudest environment. Think about the chances of that happening.

Best to all and have a great weekend. The Lugnut household is so busy now it's incredible. Lot's of things getting accomplished and enjoying anything that comes along.

Smokester,

Love your moniker. I've thought of that MP3 player thing too. I've ripped all of my CD's into my computer but no longer use digital in my main system. I don't have a player and can't justify the expense. NOTE: DON'T ANYONE DARE SEND ME A PLAYER AS A GIFT OR ON LOAN!!! I take books to read but they give me drugs that put me to sleep. And they feed us lunch. Sleep is good but lunch is better. But the steroids....

That's now part of my daily meds. Also, each treatment consists of a mega dose of some other kind of steroid. Having been a cancer patient and used them previously I'm aware of what they do to me. My mind goes a little too fast and is not as easy to control. So, maybe I now put my foot in my mouth more often. Also, they tend to make me more aggressive which I try very hard not to do. I usually feel bad after being that way even if it was deserved so I just don't like it. I think, at least online, people can put up with the chatty part but I fear I might alienate some good people when it's the drugs and not me talking. It's so nice that I can come to this thread and not even be tempted to degrade the conversation. Other threads, uhoh, watch out. I gotta get disciplined. It don't make no sense in fussin' with a jackass.

Stayed up til 3 am listening to the new cartridge. It's smoothed out some even with that short of a time. I got a lot of enjoyment out of it. Now I don't want to do anything else. It sucks to deny the urge to sit and listen in exchange for the drudgery of acquiring dishpan hands.

Nope, I don't have those either. What I have is mostly the albums that sound like they're killing barnyard animals. You know, Meditations numbers 1 thru them all. I do have a couple of his with the early quartets that are great. I recently moved all my vinyl and don't have them together. It won't take long to do an inventory though and I'll write you direct. You know, sometimes I want to place an add offering to trade the ones I have. The ad I would write would remind me of a line I saw years back while standing at a filling station urinal. It said simply, Will trade two blind crabs for one without teeth. For a guy that made such great music I have a hard time with the ones I have. Hard core jazz fans think they are the best but I haven't gotten that far yet. I am going to get A Love Supreme even if it hurts. The book is a must read.

Hey guys I would have been right there with you a few months ago but after reading the book I feel compelled to understand at least somewhat. The crux of the story is that John Coltrane was extremely spiritual. He grew up the son of a minister and was a choir boy as he learned to play in a middle class black life in the south. Throughout his youth he was never without an instrument and practiced every spare moment. He studied different religions and came to believe that all of the worlds religions were worshiping the same God. He had run religion through his personal filter and came to much the same conclusion I have come to during this phase of my life, well kind of anyway. That's the draw for me; the parallel thoughts to a degree. His belief was that God loved us with all his heart and wanted us to love him the same as well as each other. At this point he was becomming more and more popular as a band member finally becoming a part of the great Miles Davis variations. He did develop a heroin addiction, was fired by Miles Davis, eventually quit cold turkey and began writing music to honor this God he worshipped. His music is an attempt to convey perfect love to our maker. The music needed to be perfect to honor Him. Now I don't understand music well enough to explain how much of what sounds as mass confusion to me actually makes perfect musical sense in a way that was never expressed before. To the men in his band and others of like talents this was blazing a trail of monumental importance. They got it so why can't I? A few years ago Carlos Santana and someone else were getting ready to do the reading of the nominees for the best instrumental album of some sort at the Grammys. During the reading of the names Santana blurted out that A Love Supreme is the greatest instrumental recording ever made and the co-host agreed. I remember the cameras panning the audience and many of the greats stood up and applauded. This whole thing went over my head until I read this book. The story is amazing. I want so bad to just get this one recording understood. The prayer he has written in the liner notes is understandable when he is playing the sax. The grunts, squeeks, squwaks and such are the sounds he is making to express perfectly the love he has for his maker. I'm convinced that he was sincere in what he was trying to do and too many great jazz men have put him on a pedestal for the work for me to think that it doesn't warrant a sincere attempt at understanding it. Man, I thought that some of this thread was deep but this concept of creating perfect music to honor the only perfect entity scares me that I might need be perfect to get it. If so, I'm out of luck on this one. Now, the intro to the Twilight Zone please...

Joe (Jphii),

I got A Love Supreme today. Thanks. First listen, I got it. Too cool. Reading the book really helped. If you can't find a copy let me know and I'll send you mine. The story of what he was doing makes me wonder if other artists have been driven in similar ways. Maybe this will pave the way for wrapping my brain around Meditations. Dunno, that might be tough. Still, making music as a spiritual offering to God intrigues me and I'll try the next step. Thanks again.

I thought I'd share a few things with you guys today since I'm taking a break from what should be an easy task. My Safety Raiser needed adjustment after the new cartridge and, man oh man, I'm having trouble. I will persevere! Becaue the ZYX has a different geometry than the last cartridge the arm had to go down quite a bit. The Safety Raiser needs to be repositioned. I'm tellin' ya', it ain't easy.

Went to Steve's yesterday and came home ruined. He moved his speakers somewhat and had another change that I'll let him share in his system thread. Anyway, without saying too much, except I've been around and listened to many state of the art systems, I never thought I'd hear this level of music reproduction. To my ears it is almost beyond belief. So, I come home and my system sounds horrible. That's the first time that's ever happened to me. Now I have a new threshold to tolerate for my own happiness. (Repeating to myself over and over) I'm still happy with my gear.

I felt better yesterday than I have since last summer. Almost normal. Wow! Maybe this Taxol is working. The downside is just about limited to the steroid effects for a couple of days per week so it's a small price to pay for feeling as good as I do. I go to the doctor tomorrow and get a treatment again this week. The fourth week is NO TREATMENT. That means maybe ten days in a row of feeling as good as yesterday. I'm a happy man.

The preamp should land tomorrow. Wish me luck. Also, A Love Supreme isn't here yet. Still anxiously waiting. I'll post more later and always look forward to what you guys have to say.

Ray,

Back in early February when I got my first treatment I did get mine cut off before it fell out. Back in the late 80's when I was being treated for lymphoma I plugged up every drain in the house. I was smarter this time. Nobody seems to care about me not having any of the stuff but it does matter to me. I'm off to the kitchen to have a sip of Cognac. I'll be toasting to your continued avoidance of malignancy. Almost forgot....

I picked up an RCA Living Stereo LSC-2239 Of Tchaikovsky's Symphony No. 5 with Pierre Monteux conducting the Boston Symphony. This is a German Pressing. It doesn't appear to be a re-issue. The vinyl is pristine. I'll be cleaning it shortly and give it a listen. Any thoughts on this one?

Lots of happenings at the Lugnut house. First, a short note about my health. I'm responding well to the Taxol. I received my third treatment on Tuesday after visiting with the oncologist. I now get a break of one week from treatment and since I haven't had any major side effects the steroids were cut in half!! I've also stopped taking any pain medication. What a nice thing. My doctor feels that at some point soon I may be able to stop the Taxol until the cancer returns. No clue about how long a respite this would amount to but I'll take anything I can get.

I have a lot of gear in the music room trying to decide which way to go. The Supratek is working and, of course, I love it. A local club member came over with a Sutherland PH-2000 phono stage and a CJ Premiere 10 preamp which I can buy also. The CJ preamp is surprisingly good but the Sutherland is noisy like a ground loop. I doubt that is the case but I'll do some experiments to see. Anyone having experience with the Sutherland can email me direct with advice.

The Syrah just makes everything happen right in my system. Between the ZYX coming along nicely and the preamp issue working well I've stayed up way too late listening, actually rediscovering all my vinyl. The bass just grabs you by the shorthairs and won't let go. The highs are very detailed and as smooth as I've ever heard. Most of the midrange harshness that was evident is gone becoming smoother and smoother with each hour put on the cart. In spite of being a modest system by Audiogon standards it is a stellar performer I'm extremely happy with.

Joe emailed me that A Love Surpeme is on its way. Can't wait and a big thanks Joe. Hopefully, I'll be able to wrap my mind around it. A couple of new (to me) records worthy of note are Aaron Copland's Billy The Kid-Ballet Suite and Louis Armstrong's under the stars. Both of these are superb recordings and the material is great. Copland was an especially pleasing find. It's much more to my liking than most classical offerings. I'm really happy I got turned on to it.

Visitors keep coming. My sister will be here in early May and Paul Frumkin is deciding on when he'll be coming for a visit. I'm thrilled that I should be feeling well enough to go do things with them. This area has so many events happening all the time it's difficult to decide what to do. Then, when it's warm the rest of the state opens up for exploration. Idaho is beautiful once out of the high desert valley I live in and it's just a short drive to many interesting spots. There are a number of cool ghost towns and abandoned mining operations I've been to that have a magnetic attraction. And the old cemetaries make you appreciate modern medicine. So many people died of things like a broken leg, slivers or an insect bite at such young ages. Fly fishing doesn't really come alive until July and later but the scenery in those places I've fished is breathtaking. I'm sure that I'll be taking Paul to Stanley which is where the headwaters of the Salmon river is. This is the longest undamned wild river in the lower 48 and flows through the Frank Church River Of No Return Wilderness Area. At Stanley one can see the Sawtooth Mountains which look like miniature versions of the Alps. This is just a day trip thing with interesting places to stop and eat or look about on the way. Hopefully, the roads will be clear in the Owyhee range of mountains. My favorite ghost town, Silver City, is there and also just a day trip. The entire town is privately owned and just about every building has been restored. During the summer months it's quite active with the owners spending a lot of their time there but during the winter the town gets snowed in until mother nature opens them up again. The drive is a lot like watching an old Cisco Kid televison show. Huge boulders and twisted, gnarly trees along with tons of wildlife. It's not uncommon to spot mountain lions and bear as well as all types of antlered critters. Photos of all of these places are available online with a quick Google search if you'd like to get a feel for what it's like here.

I guess I feel compelled to continue on at least a weekly basis of reporting events as they unfold. On the health front this week is a scheduled week off from chemo. I continue to feel good and I'm optomistic that I'll get to stop treatment for awhile.

I sold my hot rod to the first looker. It took about twenty seconds for the guy to commit to buying it. He's happy and I'm glad Barb won't be dealing with it later. Besides, selling it provided me enough cash influx to splurge on a Supratek Syrah and the ZYX. As a result my system sounds as good as it can get without upgrading amps or speakers which I never intended to do. When I made my first high end purchases back around '74 my retailer gave me some really good advice. He told me to get the speakers with the characteristics I want and upgrade upstream. He also shared the wisdom of getting the absolute best source at the same time. With a great source and adequate speakers you can upgrade between to huge benefit and minimize total outlay to audio nirvana. This logic has worked very well for me. My speakers can be picked up for $650-750 on the used market, being floor standers missing the last octave..flat to 40 cycles. Honestly, they compete with most $5-7K speakers because too often the more expensive speakers owners haven't taken the time to match everything as well as I have to make theirs sing. Hope this is viewed as advice rather than a sermon.

The rest of my hot rod proceeds are going into a major roof redesign. Geez, this is about as much fun as buying a refrigerator but it's the right thing to do for Barb. Our home was built in the mid 50's having a pitched gravel roof with what's called Dutch gutters. Aesthetically it's a beautiful design where there is a dam at the roof edge and the downspouts come through the soffit area. Luckily we live in a very dry climate as the seal at the facia area cannot be kept. Water leaks into the soffits and drips in a few areas around the perimeter of the house. I'll be eliminating that design, putting in more soffit vents and roof vents and having continuous gutters all around. The facia, which angles back toward the house will be replaced as part of overall plan too. It will still enjoy the aesthetics but be very functional. So, a week of living with the guys replacing and repairing the soffit/facia and then another week of removal and re-roofing followed by a couple of days of gutter install. I don't think I'll be doing much daytime listening...maybe at Steve's place. He's offered a key, perhaps in jest. He he. Should I take him up on it???

My sister will be here on the 7th and she's offered to help with the construction of acoustic treatments. I'd appreciate any advice I can get about DIY constructing treatments similar to those offered by the Eigth Nerve. I have three boxes of dense, rigid fiberglass 3M 2'x4' panels I've been storing for twenty years. Two boxes are one inch thick panels and the other is two inch thick. I have way more than I need to do the job. I'd love to exchange emails with an owner of these products or get some info about their construction. Help??

Paul Frumkin is probably coming out in late May and if I continue to feel better Steve and I will be making plans to visit Albert Porter. He's agreed to be an audio tour guide for this experience. What a nice man! Even though he is held in the highest regard here at Audiogon it's a little known fact that he is personally responsible for a number of innovations at the pinacle of playback. I'll not comment further on this since he's chosen to not toot his own horn. This is exciting as I'm sure you guys understand. He was thoughtful enough to call me out of thin air one day. Subsequently we have talked numerous times. We share the same values and I know how comfortable I'll be there. When he offered to share his single malt scotch I commented that I might want to pick up some Cognac as that's my preference. He's got a stash of some very old and highly regarded Cognac he's saving for me. Listening to his system and sipping on the nectar of the gods. How much better can it possibly get??

Life is good. I am thankful. Much of my good fortune is because of you guys. I continue to get surprises almost daily and I'm feeling guilty about it. He he. Kirk, aka Audiofrankj, sent me a treasured book I've begun reading. Some of my now favorite recordings have dropped in out of the blue from you guys. Being lucky enough to feel as good as I do right now I'm mostly consumed by a need to be normal for however long it lasts. I feel a little shallow reporting on all of this normal stuff but I want this thread to survive in the hope that the message will live for a very, very long time. Inactivity will kill it. Remember, it's not about me but our shared humanity. Please, continue to post.

Art,

That's an interesting point you brought up. My oncologist is one caring individual. When I told him how good I was feeling and I knew the Taxol was kicking some serious ass the guys face lit up and it made me happy. I've known he has had a heavy heart about everything leading up to this. One failure after another making me feel worse when I knew he would anything to make me better. During our last visit we discussed what is happening as a result of this thread. He was touched. Then I listened about his trip this week to Moab, Utah to ride bikes in some of the most breathtaking scenery known to man. We joked about some aspects of his trip in that it is the heart of the polygamist Mormon splinter group yet they temper their strict behavior because of the tourist income. (No judgment, just observation on how we humans behave) We talked about wishing that we knew each other under different circumstances as we like each other a lot. Perhaps I stepped over the line here. I dunno. The thing is I wanted him to know that no matter what, even in failure, he is respected by me for his efforts, and I know he is very good at what he does. It is what it is. He appeared to really appreciate what I said. He and I have a plan unlike any I've heard of so I might bop til I drop rather than choosing unconsciousness over pain. If it works my wife or daughter will post this for the benefit of all. If she doesn't then it's no issue. It's his desire that he see me until I cannot come in any longer and anticipates I will come in very late in the process. We both want to make this the best it can be. Sounds weird when I read what I just said but it is the truth and I'm not going to lie about anything even if it I seem a fool. I have faith that dying is not only easy but most likely rapturous. This I've come to believe after being with a very close friend and my father and holding their hands when they took their last breath. I dread the path of getting there but won't be given more than I can handle. The doc knows this is how I feel and it seems to please him. Bottom line, there will be an especially pleasant little corner of Heaven awaiting him.

Nate, if you come down to Albert's I'll gift a record of your choice. Just send me a list.

Hey, I've talked to Albert and he's a lot like me. This will be a lot of fun. I know I'm walking into an environment where I'll be glad to be myself.

Albert, Cognac, good food, friends and extreme, ground breaking audio playback. About the only thing missing is the dancing girls. Maybe by then Steve will have a copy of that Marsel Marceau album he's been looking for. Thanks for the invite and looking forward to toasting you with that sensuous old Cognac.

Jeff,

Thanks a lot for the kind offer. I'm somewhat embarrassed by the overwhelming number of gifts I've received from this community. Just recently I received a box from UPS. Upon opening it there was a new Grado Reference cartridge. The enclosed receipt indicated the quantity and model. It was signed by John Grado with a note saying "enjoy the music". Many of the posters here have sent me books, albums, even medicine and other touching gifts as well. The biggest gift of all is this thread. My local friends have been quite generous too. They have helped me with spring yard cleanup, mowing and some light home repair. Some of my audio club members have brought over some really cool records refusing to take them home. At the beginning of this thread when the weight of the world seemed to be on my shoulders this community lifted me up by reaching out in so many different ways. It is amazing. What can I say? Thanks seems so shallow but that's the best I can do. Can I pay you guys back? Not unless I become the recipient of a divine miracle. I think we have all learned a great deal from this thread. Being self-sufficient for a lifetime and taking pride in meeting my own needs became a barrier to being a gracious recipient. I've learned. A few of you have become really close friends and have even taken the time to meet me in person one way or another.

Feeling as well as I do Barb and I are going to Portland, Oregon for a few days in May. We'll be staying downtown and hopefully will be having some memorable times. Later, after Paul completes his stay here Vetterone and I will be going to Dallas to meet Alber Porter and listen to his cutting edge system. Life's good and a lot of you guys are responsible for making it so.

Joe, it's funny about A Love Supreme. I'm so glad you are reading the book. I've played that record many times since it showed up in my mailbox. It gets better with each play and seems to have opened the door for understanding some of his Meditations recordings. I hope you enjoy the read as well and that it opens musical doors for you too.

Whatch out what you offer Jeff. My two favorite genre's are jazz and blues. I have a huge selection of each and I never feel I have enough. That's kind of greedy on my part but I can excuse myself. It is for the love of the music. Right?

Tomorrow I start my next three week barrage of poisons pumped into my body. It's not that bad this time around and there are few side effects. I'll be coming home afterward to listen non-stop for about 18 hours. If one can't sleep then play some tunes!! Best to all and thanks for keeping this thread alive.

P.S. Let's all give Paul Frumkin a big hand for being awarded the "Best New Component" award last Saturday night by Stereo Times. Liquid as a component is a remarkable achievement in my book. Way to go Paul. We early beta testers knew it would go this far.

Hi Guys,

Well, another round of chemo went okay. The doc think that a couple more treatments followed by a CT scan and I might be able to quit it for awhile. Nuff said about that. It does make me very happy.

Albert, you and Steve are doing a wonderful service that will go a long way to reinvigorating interest in high end aduio, specifically two channel. It's great that you could make time to photograph Paul's award event. I really like AIVS and think it deserving of an award.

Springbok10, are there 9 other Sprinboks? Thanks for your kind words. I would think I can speak for almost everyone that has posted to this thread when I say I'm glad that this has touched you in a positive way. It's been good for so many people; way beyond anything I could have ever imagined.

Jeff, answering questions about what types of music I thoroughly enjoy is getting harder every day. Primarily I love blues and jazz. I do listen to a lot of rock too but of the more acoustic, hormonious variety nowdays. Female vocalists are a kick no matter the genre. Some male vocalists trip my trigger too. What really surprises me is my attraction to recent composers of orchestral music. A few years ago I would have just lumped it in as classical but I think that would draw criticism from the experts. A lot of what has been written beginning with Dvorchac (sp?). I love the Grand Canyon Suite and the music or Aaron Copland. Louis Armstrong, Duke Ellington and Ella are among my recent heavy rotation albums. About all I don't listen to is organ music, gospel and most country. So many older recordings were done better than today's best and the performances outstanding. Of course, music is timeless or at least good music is.

Golden ears, Boa2 sent me the Armstrong book. Remember when he had trouble adjusting to living? Well, I must have been meant to read that book just for that chapter. As I've mentioned before I had cancer previously that was supposed to take my life prior to now. Funny, no? Anyway, when I recovered and was in remission I discovered how difficult it is to rejoin the ranks of the living. This chapter meant a lot to me because right now I am among the living and I'm determined to not lose a moment though wasting it with any such nonsense. Thank you Mr. Armstrong.

Also, this thread isn't about me or audio or even cancer. It's about something much bigger. Our shared humanity and love. Love, as in pure, untouched by outside influence, from the depths of our souls, meant to comfort those we come into contact with. There's been a lot of love sent my way by anonymous faces pounding out messages on a keyboard. Slowly I'm meeting members here one at a time whether in person, emails, phone calls or this thread. I hope that this experience stays with everyone bacause the world needs it. Let's all remember each other when we are in pain and reach out to comfort. There is joy in that as I've seen expressed here. We must keep our eyes open.

J.D., my prayers are with you and your family. Hopefully, you will qualify for a heart transplant soon and recover your life. I've seen this community respond to your reasoned posts and trust that they will lift you up as they have me. Peace.

Hi everyone,

As Jeff (Jdodmead) has guessed this has been a very busy week and as the month progresses will only get busier. My sister flew in last Saturday and we stayed up late (for me) every night listening to music and having guests over until she left. She enjoyed herself so much she is planning another visit and will be bringing her husband along as well. I had another uneventful chemo round on Tuesday and saw my sis off late Wednesday afternoon. In case you haven't guessed, uneventful is a good thing.

A construction crew arrived here on Wednesday to replace the facia and some soffit material before the roofers come in. I made the mistake of prepping our garage doors for painting when the crew offered to paint them at the same time as they paint the repair work they are doing. While I feel pretty darn good I'm really not in any shape to be doing scraping and sanding. And, to think last summer I was helping a friend build a spec home! I'm very tired and somewhat wounded but I'll be okay. I've learned my lesson though. I've just got to save whatever energy I have for fun. To Hell with work!

If anyone remembers the tale about Steve (Vetterone) loaning me his Supratek and it not working right and then he bought another just to find out it wasn't working right then here's the rest of the story. Both units work fine now and I bought the older, remote control one. A local friend dropped by for a listen and visit and decided right there to buy the second one and have me build a system around it. Problem is, he wanted me to choose the other components for him on a very strict budget. I honestly don't know if I've done the right thing but at his urging I've ordered one of the BIX turntables and a pair of ASL Wave 20's. This will be cabled with Paul Speltz anti-cables too, including his new interconnects. I haven't yet decided on what speakers to buy. If you have any recommendations for used (or new) exceptionally good monitors in the $600 range please let me know. I'm thinking if I can find them in this price range, Harbeth, Revolver, Coincident, Triagle or Omega.

I'll be selling my cartridge (yes, I love it) to my friend after talking with Mehran. It's a long story, but again Mehran is being very good to me and this is an opportunity I shouldn't pass up. Besides, my friend is getting a cartridge that he wouldn't be able to afford otherwise.

I had posted a thread about some recommendations on what to do while Barb and I are in Portland, Oregon next week. We'll be staying downtown and concentrating on having fun there. We have received some good advice and will be meeting at least one other Audiogon face while there. Viridian (Marty) is putting together a some options for live jazz and great food for us based on the latest information. I'm pretty sure we'll be downing a few drinks together with him.

Right after our return from Portland Paul Frumkin will be coming for five days and then Steve and I will be heading out to Albert's place. In between all of this activity I'll be assembling the BIX, making some DIY room treatments, babysitting the roofers and gutter crew as well as a number of other things that have been left undone due to being out of my game for so long. I'm sure glad that my daughter Amanda is so good about mowing our grass and taking care of other chores for us. She's a good kid that's stepped up to the plate to help her mom and dad out.

I love this thread and hope you guys continue to post. While I celebrate my good fortune with this respite from being so sick, I know whenever those nasty symptoms come back it's going to be tough. It would be very easy right now to lie to myself that I'm getting well. But, I really see no purpose in concentrating on bad things that aren't happening. I'll just have to deal with things as they come along.

Best to all!

Patrick

Sometimes I'm struck mightily by the insights offered by you guys. When Artg wrote about his step father I realized that this experience is one he will carry around for a lifetime. Believing as I do that not much of what happens to us is by accident, maybe this thread is a way for all of us to work through such issues for our own benefit. This repreive I'm enjoying is not without its challenges. Yeah, I'm enjoying it a lot. No doubt, it's better to be feeling well than staying on a steadily declining path toward death. The light at the end of the tunnel. Five weeks ago I could see it very clearly and only needed to maintain my emotional strength to meet up and be engulfed by it. Right now, I don't even see that light. I know though that whenever this chemical coctail that is working for me stops doing its thing I will be faced with that light and it will be much closer than I will be prepared for. I know it'g going to be tough to handle, at least for a short while.
As much as I'd like to just get lost in feeling good and ignore the inevitable I can't allow myself to forget. That would make the shock of returning symptoms too hard to handle well. All of this stuff we write about here is simply an excercise in getting to know ourselves better. I don't have time to fart around and screw up with it either or I could easily be like Artg's step dad. For about the zillionth time I repeat, I ain't courageous nor brave. I'm prgamatic. Most of you would be too. Either enjoy today or waste it. Either control the impact on your emotions or be controlled by them. I just can't do it any other way. If you want to see me at a weak moment it will be when the Taxol stops helping. I'll need you guys then more than you realize. It is comforting to know that you all will be there with me, helping to prop up my spine in a moment of weakness. I'll be okay then too, but it will be so much easier because of you. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for your continiued support. I am a very lucky guy.

Nate,

Thanks for understanding. Yeah, I'm a little embarrassed by the praise offered up about bravery. I'd like to think I'd be brave under certain circumstances like saving someone from a fire or drowning (an experience I've had) or from suicide. One never knows how you would react until faced with such events. I do accept your compliment about being transparent in this thread though. Most of the time it requires very little effort since this is the way I am most of the time. There have been things I've written about that took a lot of effort to share with this group. Maybe it's because I fear that some criticism might spring forth as a result. Maybe it's because I make myself feel vulnerable in doing so. I dunno. It doesn't matter. I'm obligated to be totally honest here or else this thread will cease to serve the purpose I think it contains within the talk about me and audio. At the end of the day Lugnut doesn't matter nor does anyones stereo. It's about a greater insight into how we conduct our lives during such a period IF you are lucky enough to have advance notice like I've enjoyed. There are numerous stories in the Bible about wealthy individuals that were faced with the contrast between life being defined by ones possessions and the possessions that really mattered. My "stuff" really has very little meaning even though I can and do enjoy it. What I treasure beyond all material things is the relationships that are a measure of who I am. Stuff is a measure of what I was. This thread and the friends I've gained through it are a gift more valuable than anything I've received in my lifetime. If by being transparent I can help anyone reading this then I've been worthy of the friendships I've gained.

Thanks Zakesman. Well guys, today was another day of chemo. I suspect this will be as uneventful as the others although I'm not feeling well at all. Barb and I both went to our audio club meeting and ate out prior. Whatever I had didn't agree with me and has carried over into today. Of course, it would help to have a normal stomach! Frankenbelly sometimes misbehaves. The Portland area has its own unique style of food preparation and I hope I can enjoy it fully later this week.

I asked the hard question of my doctor today. That being, "How long on average does the Taxol work?" I was a little bit rocked by his answer of a couple of months since todays treatment marked the two month use of it. Oh well. I'm scheduled for a CT scan next week while Paul is here so we'll see if I can just forgoe treatment until symptoms return. That would work for me. While I feel pretty darn good it is getting old being fatigued all of the time. Maybe without treatments I'll regain some of my vitality. Of course, without treatment the cancer will grow and it uses a lot of calories doing that. Fatigue is an issue for anyone with active malignancy. The doctor thinks there are other drugs we can use after the Taxol. Hmmm. My guess is that the other options might be brutal in comparison. No sense in worrying about it until the time comes.

Since I've committed to upgrading my cartridge I need to do this in a reasonable time. The acoustic treatments need to get done soon also. Steve and I are going to be working on a bi-fold door project at the entrance to the music room. We believe the benefits of doing this will allow the equipment and the room to work together as they should giving me the depth and layering I long for. It's good the way it is but since it can be better, why not?

The Benedryl and the steroids they give me to combat Taxol side effects makes me pretty ripped. Forgive me if this post isn't all that understandable. I have one drug pumping through my veins that wants to put me asleep and another that pumps me up. They are competing with each other and it makes my thoughts go on the dark side. I am concerned about the next drugs that'll be tried. I've got to do this because of two things. One, I must live until at least September. I had elected to double my life insurance when that option came available and it takes effect at the end of that month. Two, I've already done three different drugs now and see no reason to stop trying now. I jokingly mentioned during dinner that I was selecting music for some kind of service in rememberance of me. Barb was glad I was doing so but the look she cast upon me while the tears ran down her cheeks was hard to take. I'd take getting kicked around hard by the meds just to give her some more time to enjoy old Lugnut but the thought that a brutal dose of chemo might not allow me to be enjoyable hurts to contemplate. I know I'm worrying about stuff that hasn't happened. My question to myself is how do I balance the reality of feeling good for now with the necessity of dealing with the enevitable. I cannot allow myself to lose my character. Considering the possibilities of what comes next is a must for me. It's the only way I can keep my feet planted firmly on the ground. I hate it.

I'll be okay. As I said some of this dark stuff is the result of the drugs. Life IS good and today is meant to be enjoyed after I take a nap. Thanks for being there for me.

Swampman,

I've been through the type of treatment your wife is getting an it's much more difficult to endure than what I'm doing. Besides, whether you believe it or not, your role is more difficult than hers on several levels. Bless you for being a good husband. If you ever falter DO NOT hesitate to contact me and I'll prop you back up. I sense that you are like my wife and I admire you for it. When I talk about the light at the end of the tunnel, I'm speaking about death. For your wife, it's cure. I need to remember the light even if I can't see it or else I'll be overwhelmed when it returns brighter than when it left. For your wife it is a goal for living, something to reach for. When I say that my chemo is pretty benign it's a true statement. I have few side effects. Stoned and tired today and tomorrow I'll be just like yesterday...okay.

St. James Infirmary is THE SONG I was talking about at dinner last night and Barb started to cry. It is the most wonderful music I've ever heard on every level. I've been meaning to order the 33 rpm version for myself by the same folks that did the 45 rpm set. I would trade a large pile of my best records for that one song if I had to make that choice. Amazing how one song moved me so much. IMNSHO, this is the best song ever recorded by anyone, ever. I must admit that I'm surprised Doug and Paul own it being classical lovers that they are. I'm also really glad you went over there too. They are great guys and I love them a lot. Doug has been a big help for many of my analog questions. Paul, bless his heart, wrote one of the most important emails I've ever received and I will be forever greatful to him for doing so. Hearts this big are a wonderful thing to experience.

As far as my analog is concerned I'm home free right now with the Yatra MK II. The opportunity to upgrade to an Airy 3 (I'm going silver wire) with the silver mounting plate is a no brainer. My only concern is getting the darn thing broke in so I can fully enjoy it. I wish I had the cash to burn so I could hire someone to play records 24/7 until it reaches the magic hundred hour mark. Wouldn't that be a fun job? This turntable, cartridge, tonearm stuff with all the setup and bits and pieces needed to make it happen right is like some weird brotherhood. We are together but we are separate also. What I have found is there is more than one way to skin a cat. If I were to offer any criticism of us as a group it would be that we possess a learned narrow minded-ness. My analog front end would be rejected out of hand by many as being unworthy until they actually listened to it. Sure, if it were gone I'd probably buy something else but mainly to gain a little more acceptance from the group as a whole rather than any real sonic leaps in performance. It's like trading in a Sportster for a Fat Boy. Of course, the Fat Boy is a real Harley as if the Sportster isn't. Yeah, right.

Jeff, you are doing something more important than you realize. You are here and take the effort to let me know. This should be a Mastercard commercial. Priceless.

Sometimes my medical consultations leave me confused even though I'm a better advocate for care than most. Yesterday I had an appointment with my doctor after the regular blood test results were in. We were to discuss my last CT scan and decide if it were time to take a break from the chemo. The scan showed that malignancy is not problematic at this time but there is a strange mass, small in size, that appeares to be calcification of likely lymph nodes that may be a result of my earlier lymphoma. An educated guess is that it has nothing to do with my stomach cancer. Anyway, the decision was made to continue with the Taxol for the next two months. I'm accepting of this since the Taxol has few sides effects. Funny, but at my last visit I asked about how long Taxol works for patients like me the answer was for about two months. Obviously we are going to use this drug until it stops working, or at least that's the way it seems without actually saying so. The promise this time is that when I get my next CT scan at the end of this two month period begun yesterday I will get two months free of therapy. We'll see, but I seriously doubt it. It may sound like I'm grousing about this, and I am to a certain extent, but all I want is some straight talk. I do know this doctor has done me a huge favor by guiding me on this course. I was not an easy sell.

Fatigue is really something during this battle. It's my biggest issue. If I stay home, log on some computer time, make and answer phone calls, listen to music and clean records I feel fine. I can go shopping for normal needs and do fine as well. Errands I can run without tiring. Doing more than the above is what I can't do without having to lay down for the next two days. I can't explain it but driving a car for a few hours kicks my butt but riding in one for the same time is kind of relaxing. Is driving that big a physical challenge? An easy job like scraping and sanding the garage doors to prep them for paint is out of the question. Vacuuming one room is okay but more rooms in one session is not. Pacing myself is a mental exercise that is foreign to me. While feeling well and appreciating it, I do long for those days when I could just go on and on working all day. I guess I feel good enough to bitch. This is a good thing, right?

My new ZYX Silver Airy 3 should be drop shipped from Japan tomorrow as Mehran is going there and offered to do this for me rather than bringing it back to the states and then ship it. It should arrive around the time Steve and I return from Dallas. I can't wait. The next, and hopefully last step will be to get some of the most desireable tubes for my phono stage and a new tonearm cable.

I've slowly been making headway with the acoustic treatments in my room. They are modeled after the Eight Nerve products to an extent. Also, the wife of my buddy that I'm building a system for has offered to make some heavy drapes and my sister who owns a embroidery machine has offered to make the valance. I'm thinking of using Neil Young's line of "IT"S BETTER TO BURN OUT THAN TO FADE AWAY" across the valance. Feel free to offer other suggestions.

I've spoke with Steve about installing a locally built French door in the opening leading into the rest of the house. We both feel that this is the only way to get the room to behave best. It's a nice thing that Barb really likes this idea for aesthetic purposes. I think we'll get this done early summer.

Barb and I have been considering new furniture for the music room as well. There is just too much stuff in there now and I really want to be able to recline while listening. The coffee table must go to be replaced by a small ottoman or the like. I did find a really cool two person wide something or other. I dunno what to call it. Looking from the side it is the shape of a reclined "S". That is my favorite position. Problem is that the colors don't go well with the room and the special order colors don't fit any better. I had asked to see chaise lounges and this was the last option the fellow had to show us. The new furniture would be a stretch so we probably won't do it unless I receive some kind of financial windfall. You gotta love the priorities. Gear first and furniture last. Unless of course the furniture is to hold the gear.

I hope everyone is enjoying Spring. I sure am. The simple joy of having open windows is great. I know it sounds cliche but for all you guys that are busy please take the time to appreciate the small stuff. Life is good if we take the time to be in it.

Frank,

If your Airy is not fully broken in then you and your installer are going to be amazed when it does. It's very detailed out of the box but with time it gets so smooth it's spooky. At least that is how my Yatra behaves and the one UNIverse I'm intimately familiar with. Isn't it the quietest "in the groove" thing you've ever heard?

Howard, so I handle being ripped pretty well? Har har. I guess there was at least one benefit to growing up in the sixties.

Swampman, contrary to what Raul says (and I'm not fussing), to my ears, and in every case, I prefer the step up to a high powered phono stage. Some are better than others. Just my opinion but it seems more real. I'm no electronics guru but the way they work doesn't create a much longer signal path, so no loss as far as I can tell. Distortion? Maybe. I dunno. Tubes are more distorted than ss but I like it better. That's all I care about. I go by my ears. I'm sure glad you made this move. You will shit. In case you guys don't know shitting is bigger than having your jaw drop. Tell that to the reviewers.

Mornin' everyone,

Barb and I returned home late yesterday afternoon from our Portland, Oregon trip. We had a lot of fun and made some really good memories as well as friends. Varidian and his wife (Marty and Liz) joined us for dinner twice during our stay and one night we went on an adventure together in search of live blues but ended up listening to jazz. I shopped hard for some hardware and harder for software being successful in each department. Of note is how much fun I had at Echo Audio. Kurt, the owner, is very accomodating and a lot of fun to work with. He didn't hesitate a moment to hook up several speakers for me to audition on two separate visits. I ended up buying some Tannoy monitors, stands and a used equipment rack for a system I'm building for a friend. I recommend this store for anyone that wants to be treated well not to mention the very fair prices for quality used audio gear. The record stores, which are many, are a mixed bag. I ended up buying twentyone records and one old Vogue 78 rpm picture disk. A couple of the records I purchased were ones I'd been looking for for some time. One was still sealed and the other was in mint condition.

The trip kicked my puny ass and I'm dog tired. Still, it was fun. Portland is really pretty and a very vibrant town. It struck me as very interesting how casual everyone dressed. More so than any other place I've ever been. It rained a lot during our stay and just about nobody bothers with umbrella's, except visitors. Public transportation is free and very organized as well as clean. With only a little planning it's easy to organize a day and find all the stops. The food is great and the place is Emerald City/Wizard Of Oz green. I sure understand the attraction it has for young folks. There is so much to do and the area definitely has a young persons cultural attitude. It was nice to come home to dry, warm weather and a slower pace though.

Paul's travel plans are being modified as I write this. He has had a number of things come up within the last week making it impossible to arrive today. I hate to see him pay dearly for last minute flight changes but am anxious to see him. We'll just have to see how this works out.

This is my scheduled week off of the chemo schedule and I'm glad. I do have a CT scan on Wednesday morning. Dunno if it will tell any more than what my body is telling me. I'm without any cancer symptoms at the moment and willing to stop the treatments. No, that's not exactly correct. I'm anxious to stop the chemo. I'm tired of being tired and maybe if I get some time off now I'll have more energy when Steve and I go to Albert Porter's June 3-6.

Gotta run. The day is getting hectic already. My buddy's turntable and amps arrived so I need to clean off a work area and take an inventory of all the bits and pieces and check for shipping damage. Peace to all.

Pat

Marakanetz,

No matter what the state of public transportation in NY I'll always wish I could have gone there for a visit. It must be a very exciting place to be. At least for a visit. Buy some of those tickets and enjoy.

Well, Paul arrived yesterday afternoon. The poor guy has a lot of stuff on his plate right now and looked very tired when I picked him up at the airport. We grabbed a bite of lunch on the way to my house and fired up the system when we arrived. A local friend of mine for nearly 40 years stopped by and we talked music, records, cleaning vinyl and equipment for a few hours while listening to some tunes. He too is a lawyer, actually a judge, and he and Paul talked a little shop too. Lugnut, the welder, mechanic, and general handyman hanging with a couple of legal eagles is funny to contemplate. Hopefully a bunch of other friends will join us as we invade Steve's music room some evening this week.

Yesterday I was drafted into the SA rugby team. I received my new jersey courtesy of Springbok10 (aka Denis) with the offical player name and number on the back of "Lugnut 1". Now all I need is an honorary doctorate from Harvard, Yale or Princeton! Thanks Denis.

Earlier this week Jeff (jdodmead) forwarded a Jay McShann album. Great music. I love being introduced to music that's new to me. The Big Apple Bash has a lot of heavy hitters sitting in on the sessions. Of particular note is Herbie Mann playing not only his flute but clarinet and tenor sax. I'd never heard Mann playing any instrument other than the flute. Now whenever I see one of his albums I'll think of Jeff and Jay McShann.

I hope to get today organized quickly so that I can take Paul out to show off some of Idaho's geography. We'll be heading out to look at the Snake River plain south of Nampa and get a good look at the Owyhee Mountain range. Maybe we'll get lucky and run into a real cowboy or something. Yep, real ones still make a living here doing what cowboys do; riding the range, roppin' those little doggies and saving the reputations of pretty maidens. I'll never forget the first one I met when I moved here in the 80's. When I shook his hand it was like grabbing onto a rock. His deeply lined and leathery face looked to belong to a man in his late fifties cursed with "get old quick" genes but I discovered he was only in his mid thrities. Six gun on his hip no less, in town. I'm not kidding you one bit either. The guy came to town twice a year whether he needed to or not I guess. Supplies and "dudes" were flown into the ranch he cared for on a regular basis as the last three or four miles driving there was an eight hour trip. We be talkin' remote; snowed in all winter with no expectation of getting out for any emergency whatsoever. It's a hard thing to comtemplate for the uninitiated.

Gotta run and get this day movin' along. Yeehaa.

Tobias,

Hope you realize this is an honorary thing invented by Springbok10. LOL. For what it's worth, I've always admired rugby players. It's a brutal game and one I would have been a part of if it was offered here in the states when I was a kid. I played football when young and thoroughly enjoyed myself starting at the age of seven or eight and continuing through high school. I'm glad to see there are rugby fans here at Audiogon and would be happy to tip of few with you in honor of the Springbok team anytime.

I saw Paul off at the airport yesterday morning. We had an evening of listening at Vetterone's house with several of my local friends showing up. My sincere thanks to Steve for having us over and being such a great host.

Paul and I hit the local record stores, visited Idaho City (an old mountain mining town), listened to some live blues at my local watering hole and sampled some of the ethnic dining establishments around here. I enjoyed the visit a lot.

Now I'm resting up for the Dallas trip to Albert Porter's. I can hardly wait.

Joe,

Thanks for shaking my tree. I've been remiss this week in posting to this thread. In spite of wanting things to slow down some I still have much on my plate. My wife took on the project of helping me hang some inexpensive drapes in the music room behind the system. They look wonderful too. So, I moved the system and she did the drapes which needed hemming and I hung those acoustic panels that turned into a nightmare. I didn't want to use anchors because I'm stubborn. Ended up that I had to anyway and the house being old had sand mixed in with the ceiling texture so I had to use a masonry bit. The anchors are overkill for what is suspended from them since masonry bits are at least 1/4"diameter. Looks good now and it did improve the focus of the system. Steve has again shown what kind of a friend he is by offering to install a custom pair of bi-fold doors between the music room and the rest of the home. This should allow me to experience more depth of stage but may create some problems that don't now exist. We'll just have to deal with it. I'm excited.

I received my new ZYX Airy 3 Silver SB cartridge last Saturday but have yet to install it. My hands shake when I concentrate hard. When I install my new one I then need to install the Yatra on a friends table. So, I lack confidence with my hands and have two to do. Oh Steve, where are you?

My chemo went as expected on Tuesday. The steroids keep me pumped up and makes me want to be aggressive which isn't my true nature unless my buttons are pushed. Right after chemo I went to one of my audio club members home and helped install his new cartridge correctly. Luckily he is an emergency room doctor with very good hands. The result of our efforts was well worth it. It sounded very good right from the get go and will only improve with time. One cartridge project down and two to go. One more club member taking analog seriously again.

My first born, her husband and their almost two year old daughter will be coming tomorrow and staying through Father's Day. Both daughters and grandchildren will be here which means a great deal to me. This should be a lot of fun. The babies are very near the same age at slightly less than two. It's going to be fun watching them interact, if that's what you can call it. Nobody expects much other than two kids bumping into each other. Scott's all boy and Aidyn is all girl. Saturday night we're getting a babysitter and going out to eat and get an ear full of live blues as is Barb and my custom.

I'm still on a high from the Dallas experience. I'll never forget it. I know that some of you have met other Audiogon members and know what I mean when I say that no matter our differences, they dissapear when the topic is music. Never, and I mean never, have I met so many people that I had an instant bond with like this. As Albert says, it was like a high school reunion, as if we had known each other all our lives. Paul, Larry, Nate, Steve, Marty, Muna, Albert, Pat (not me), Frank, Chris, Doug, Paul, Dennis and Louis are all quality people and I consider them good and dear friends. Wow, I just counted and I've personally met 14 of you guys and I didn't go to CES or some other show and meet you. Amazing. They all know more than I do about audio so I'm a very lucky guy to draw on that huge well of knowledge if I need to. Sometimes I ponder on their individual record collections as well as mine. What would a combined collection of our finest offerings be? That would be interesting as just a list.

I'm doing better now than last week. I now get a week's repreive from the chemo which is always welcome. Hopefully after the next round of three treatments I'll be able to go without chemo for a few months. It would be nice to get all of my hair back and regain some of my lost vitality. Besides, as much as I care for the patients and staff that make up Mountain States Tumor Institute, I could use a break from that experience. It's hard to watch some of the other people and what they are going through. On some days many of the patients are like me, getting low doses just to keep things at bay. Other days folks are going for a cure and it can be very brutal. One of the drugs that I used and didn't work is really, really horrible in that parts of your hands and feet turn purple quickly and chunks fall off. It hurts really bad and you must stop taking it. The first drug I tried put nearly every muscle in my body into a permanent charlie horse. I had to stop taking that due to an allergic reaction. People, the ones going for a cure of my type of cancer take those two drugs as well as the current drug I'm taking at a much higher dose. Honestly, if the cancer doesn't get them the cure might. I don't think that is much of an exaggeration at all. Few of the people that start this program stay with it. A person can't honestly convey how bad some of this can be. Other treatments for other malignancies aren't so bad though. I don't wish to scare anyone but if you have no experience with this then it's good to know that there is a range of effects from really bad to easy. I'd be glad to get away from this scene for awhile.

Life is very good now. The tunes are sweet and made sweeter by the huge support group of Audiogon. Happy Father's Day to all you Dad's. Enjoy the weekend!!

Pat

Ron,

Thanks for the sentiments about family and friends. True, very true. All you can take with you when you leave the bonds of earth is the love given by others. The family reunion this weekend has been a lot of fun. Watching two kids almost two years old interact is a riot. Both of them are very much into listening to tunes too. My grandson, who is around us a lot, enjoys sitting in the sweet spot. He seems amazed at the sounds coming from different locations in space and especially enjoys female vocalists. They both dance whenever the needle hits the groove.

I've expressed my appreciation for Albert's hospitality before. He calls often and provides me with a lot of laughs. Music is the common bond with the gear coming in a distant second. Along the way we've both discovered that we share many of the same attitudes and values and HIS zest for life is contageous. He put a lot of effort into our visit and I felt a little uneasy about putting him in the position of tour director...for about a nano-second. It was obvious from the start that when he says it was like a vacation for himself he is telling the truth. Moments after Steve and I were picked up at the airport the fun began and it didn't stop until we loaded on the plane to return to Boise. I wish you would have been there too, as well as so many other A'goner's.

Sorry I didn't follow up about the TAD. Unfortunately, the output impedance didn't match my amps and it had to be returned. The build quality was very high and Paul is a great guy to do business with. I wish I could tell you more.

I did purchase a Supratek Syrah from Steve. It's a great piece of gear. I need to acquire the right tubes for the phono stage in order to maximize its performance and suffer from some confusion about this issue. I don't think it's as easy as one would believe and I really don't want to just waste a lot of money experimenting. Each of the various tubes need to work in harmony and this is the issue. It goes beyond the four tubes in the phono stage. Clearly there are different combinations owners find to their liking and I have yet to sit down and spend the time condensing all of the 1800+ posts into what nine tubes work the best together. Besides, all of this is probably system dependent anyway. At worst it sounds glorious with just about any tube compliment. Other system issues take priority at this point. If anyone has bothered to make lists of the different proven nine tube combinations I would be grateful for that information.

You are right. I am holding my own health-wize. Even though Barb and I both are looking forward to a more leisurely pace for awhile I'm up for attending other get togethers where I can meet more of you guys. Everyone has been fun so far.

I hope all you Dad's have a good one tomorrow.

You guys are so darned faithful. Thank you. I was going to hold off on posting to this thread until after my doctor's visit tomorrow. Honestly, I know that my current chemo is no longer working. I'm not feeling well at all considering how good I have felt the last couple of months. Eating is becoming a pretty big issue. I'm uncomfortable if I don't eat and more uncomfortable if I do. I will post again tomorrow and let you know what plan of attack is going to happen. For sure, whatever it is will be brutal compared to the Taxol that has given me very few side effects. I am thankful that it has worked longer than anticipated. Enough of this.....

Yesterday I went up in that WWI bi-plane ride that Barb bought for me. Nice Father's Day gift! We went about twenty minutes north of where I live and proceeded to do some "maneuvers", he he. It's a cool ride in more ways than one. I then was given the opportunity to drive the thing. Hey, I'm telling you guys that I could take off and land it without any lessons at all. No kidding. I flew it back toward town and actually found my house and circled it. Stick and throttle is all you need unless you are on the ground and then you need to do the peddle thing. It was a good time and my grandson enjoyed watching me get in, go up and come back down. He was impressed. I'd post a photo if I knew how.

We ate at the airport grill. I've eaten at several small airports and all of them serve a very good meal at a cheap price. I did pay a hefty price all day and unfortunately we had committed to going to a late day barbeque. I could only eat a few bites there and this was about ten hours after eating a small breakfast at the airport.

Jeff, I know how hard it is to put down a long time pet. Sorry about your loss. We had to put down Paco, one of our cats that was 18 years old due to liver failure. He was a sweet guy. With no claws and very few teeth he was the protector of our back yard whenever any stray puss wandered in.

J.D., at this point IF it took having my pee pee fall off for a cure, I'd let that sucker rip. Rest assured, it's still there and it still works, he he.

Larry, the Airy 3 is wonderful. I suppose my system would respond to the UNIverse too but I'm as happy as a clam with this cartridge. It is just so smooth. For whatever reason, I prefer the silver wire versions of the ZYX line. It's going to be interesting to hear it after a few weeks and I'll let you guys know what my final impression is. You can count on it.

Hey, keep your fingers crossed that the oncologist has another bullet to load. I'll let you know tomorrow. Thanks for thinking of me.

I receive a great deal of comfort from you guys. Probably much more than you realize. Since this thread began I have had mixed emotions about my good fortune contrasted with so many people out there with little or no support in similar circumstances. I'm a very lucky guy.

I think I'm beginning to get a grip on my emotions. I'm simply grieving in advance for losses that won't matter one whit when they occurr. My love for family, friends and music define who I am. To an extent they define what I am as well, at least partially. A lot of what makes up Lugnut is confined to electrical impulses firing off in a sequence unique to me. My beliefs, feelings, passions, anger, outrage, respect, admiration and perceptions make up what I am and the people and things I love are the fruit growing from those roots. In a perfect life that is nearing its end I would prefer to hold everything I've described above close until I've drawn my last breath. Even in circumstances like mine there are exceptions to the process I'll likely go through and maybe I will be one of the few lucky ones. Sadly, the realization that each and every one of the things I've described will, most likely, drop away one by one while I'm still of this earth.

This process reminds me of a neighbors tree that looses its leaves very late in the year. I don't know what kind of tree it is but it reluctantly gives up its leaves to the season. In years past I've watched this process with humor and amazement, commenting to Barb about the stubborness this tree posesses. Each year, even as new buds are turning into fresh green leaves there is a single dried up, old brown leaf clinging to its branch somewhere near the top. I'm a lot like this tree. I want so much to have all that makes up my life cling to me as stubbornly as I've held onto them in better times. It's through this comparison that I've come to realize that even when my essence cannot hold on the leaves of my life will still cling to me.

You guys are a big part of it. I do know that the most faithful of you will still be a part of me long after I'm gone and this has brought me a great deal of comfort over the last two days. I've known a lot of shallow folks in my life that would ridicule someone like me for daring to compare my life to a tree. The comtempt reserved for that type of person is replaced by sorrow for their hollow lives. I know you guys better than that and trust you to have the insight to grasp the subtle message I've tried so hard to convey.

So, what am I doing now, you might ask? Well, here's how yesterday shaped up. I had the mid-day CT scan followed by a listening session visit of a club member. I had recently assisted him in installing a new cartridge on his old Denon turntable and he was thrilled with what he heard. Another of our club members had urged him to come over and listen to what a modest but well tuned table could provide. I think he was moved and hope that the dormant vinyl library he has is put to future use. Next, a dear old friend of 45 years came by for help terminating his new speaker cables. You see, he has duplicated my system and is now just receiving all the bits and pieces. What a compliment. A blues bar friend and her daughter then came over bearing gifts. Eat your hearts out. I now own the Beatles doll set and bobble heads. The doll set consists of stand up dolls about two feet tall with instruments even with a fifth member of Peter Best, although without stand. Later the friend that I've been building a system for stopped by to fill me in on the construction of his new music room. These are the things Lugnut is doing and I cannot see the pace lightening up. Maybe if I have no time to be sick I will keep this nastiness at bay. Yeah, I know, I'm a dreamer.

Today, tomorrow and all of this holiday weekend will be at this same pace, the high point being Scott turns two on Saturday. I'm pretty certain that he will have a few short memories of his grandpa to live with him later in life. That's my hope anyway.

Whether your posts are as insightful and poetic as what Tobias has written or simply saying you're thinking of me I appreciate every one. You guys honestly make this process much easier than going it alone. Thanks again.

Pat

Thanks for the well wishing from everyone. And Paul, I knew you'd fit right in with the new firm. I do hope that Lis looks for a house with a dedicated listening room for you.

My world has been a little rocked by this particular visit with my doctor. The short story is that I have another CT scan tomorrow mid-day which will confirm what I already know. I know that the cancer is active in my stomach and that since the lining of my abdominal cavity also suffers from involvement I have a fluid build-up beginning in there as well. I can tell that my liver is sensitive and my lung capacity is diminished too. Today's scheduled chemo was canceled. About the only good news is that when I complained about forgetting words, which is happening with increased frequency, the doc said that is a normal chemo side effect from prolonged use. I guess I'm not losing my mind after all!

I must have said something to the doctor which prompted him to have the counselor come in to visit with us. Actually, I know what I said to him. I had requested a particular drug but probably wanted it for the wrong reasons or mis-stated what I intended. Basically, and this is from the heart, I don't want to want to lose control of my life AND I don't want to quit living my life until it's over. I expressed a desire to continue to enjoy life. Honestly, I doubt that will be the case. The cancer is closer to gaining control of this situation than I am of gaining control of the cancer. I hate that. It pisses me off a great deal. It's one thing to die but quite another to be faced with losing interest in everything and everybody, one thing and one person at a time. Unless I'm very lucky that's exactly what is going to happen. I want to be in control. I want to dictate my life until it's over. It ain't gonna happen guys and I better get on the right track about this. Intellectually I realize that there is a time, and it's coming sooner rather than later, that I'll just need to succumb to the inevitable and let this process do its thing. If it means that I lose interest in music and begin to cling to what is closest to me (Barb), then I just need to let it happen. Accept.

One of our audio club members is a radiation doc at this clinic. My oncologist said that if I'm fortunate what is bothering my stomach might be a candidate for his services. Otherwise, I'm not sure what my other options are at this point. The possibility exists that there are no more options. I dunno. Apparently, I'm just along for the ride.

I had planned on having a club meeting at my place on July 11th. Barb wants me to carry on with that plan and since it seems to be important to her I probably will. I had already gotten a committment from a jazz quartet to play for an hour or so. These guys are good, very good. I've got so many drugs around here that I can somehow make myself feel pretty good. The preparations might be difficult but I know that between her and our daughter that we can pull it off. Normally the club doesn't meet during the summer months because of vacations and other activities that interfere. A smaller than normal turnout would be fine but the prospect of live music might bring out a large group. Either way will be just fine.

I know I needn't apologize for writing what I have. Still, I do wish that I could make you guys feel real good about all of this. I'm not feeling good about it at all and I know it will hit some of you hard. The thing is I promised to be honest. Anything less would not be Lugnut. I need to work through this. Feel free to offer advice or criticism, whatever. Keep me and my little family in your prayers as Paul has so thoughtfully done. God bless you all.

Pat

Thank you all for your kind words. Friday at 6 pm on a holiday weekend I get a call from my oncologist. He had just read the radiologist's report about my CT scan. I am back to where I was prior to beginning the Taxol. Everything I already knew has been confirmed. There is considerable fluid build up and tumors are clearly visible. He commented that the quantity of involvement is substantial. It's everywhere. I really don't think there is any option left that is approved as standard protocol. Radiation will not help. This is charting new territory for yours truly. Have a great weekend guys, I'm going to. A listening session tomorrow and a friends birthday party. Sunday will be a day of celebrating Scott's second birthday. Haven't made plans for the 4th yet. Barb and I alone would be as nice as anthing I can think of.

Howard,

I will be rooting for Lance big time. It's funny how his cancer actually changed his body so that he is a better rider. Proof that good things come out of what seems to be bad events. Something really good is going to come out of what is happening to me too. I don't know what it is, and I may never know, but it will happen. It's obvious that this thread has had a large impact of many of us. I've gained so much and I think that maybe a lot of people have experienced getting kicked around by life through me without having gone through anything so profound themselves. Others have shared their own previous and current heartaches. It should be obvious by now that we need not be lonely. We need to also keep in mind the perfect balance we've been given. At times grief may seem overwhelming, encompassing our entire existence, but so many wonderful things happen to us during our time here on earth. Let's just forget about the trials and tribulations I'm experiencing and get behind a cycling legend.

If I can actually come see you do you think Dean would make his green, oddly shaped head appear for pleasure as well? I haven't heard from him in a long time and wonder how he's doing with his new job. I bet he misses fixing up those world class bossoms he previously worked on.

Howard,

One time I tried to visit Fisherman's Warf in San Francisco. This was in 1976. My sister was married to a Navy man stationed north of town. Here I was, a 26 year old Nebraska boy with my wife of three years taking care of my nineteen year old sister and her equally young new mate. We drove down to the the warf area looking for a place to park our car. Parking was impossible close by so I began the routine of driving further and further away figuring we could walk any distance back and forth. After I began the zig zag unphill looking for parking I found a parking lot in the middle of a block with no signs prohibiting it's use. The four of us unloaded from the car and locked it up. After making sure the car was locked and again looking for any indication that I wasn't supposed to park there we turned to step onto the sidewalk. Directly across the street a merchant was clearly visible behind the counter of his shop, both doors being held wide open. This guy was leaning on the counter with both elbows spread wide, his hands holding his head up. Directly above his head, like a mounted trophy fish, was a double headed dildo about four feet long, extremely detailed like its organic counterpart. Hmmm. Okay, I figure that porn shops are normal but a little taken aback at this public display of his wares. Onto the sidewalk we stepped. After walking about twenty feet a door flew open in front of us and a body came tumbling out. Picking himself up in record time this guy comes right up to me with his face about six inches in front of mine and says, "Don't go in there. They turn you on and won't let you do anything about it!" I must have just looked at him in stunned silence so he left. We proceeded to walk a few feet when I saw two of the most gorgeous, drop dead looking women I've ever seen, dressed like they were going to a ball or something walking toward us from the crosswalk at the end of the block. Big hair, low cut, slinky dresses with tons of cleavage exposed and thigh high slits in their evening gowns was how they were dressed. At a half block away and even with the distraction of how they were dressed I could see their faces were made up like movie stars. Man, these two were incredible. As the distance between us decreased I was even more impressed until my eyes stopped concentrating on their faces AND chests. And, what wonderful chests they had too. I was really taking them in from head to toe until I realized they had buldges between their legs. In shock at the sight and utterly confused these two, ummmm women, walked right up to the four of us and asked if we would all like to have sex with them. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK. That was more than this poor little old country boy could take! Feeling responsible for the entire group I hurried us back to the car and left San Francisco pronto. At least as pronto as one can do in a Datsun B 210.

Am I in for more of that if I come over Howard?

This was a very memoral trip. I took a glider ride in Fairfield. It was in the middle of the drought so the thermals were incredible. The pilot was sixteen and his Dad was up at the time trying to set a distance record in a glider. He was pumped up and so was I. I asked him if he'd put the thing through its paces for me and that question parlayed a twenty minute ride to one lasting nearly and hour and a half doing everything I can imagine one can do to make it exciting. I loved it. Still, that didn't get my heart pounding the way it was in San Francisco. Never again have I felt like a piece of fresh meat.

Sometimes I am really touched by the utter honesty of you guys. Bin, to realize that even though we don't know each other in the classic sense, your caring shows me in a most intimate way how most of us have connected though this incredible thread.

I regularly get a daytime call from one of my fellow club members. He's a really nice guy and we have many things other than audio in common. His wife is sweet, caring and kind. She loves to backpack, bird watch, fly fish and has one of the quickest ears regarding minute audio changes I've ever known. She's a real joy. He's very much married and after all these years he too loves his wife like I love mine. Tom had commented to me shortly after we first met that one of my early remarks to him was about how much I love my wife and enjoy her. Those thoughts that just fell out of my mouth without any consideration meant a great deal to him. During our last converstaion I mentioned how much the men in my life have shown their love and compassion toward me. I made one of those classic Lugnut remarks about women not having the market cornered on feelings. I don't remember what exactly was said but I got the feeling that his sweet wife might think that men are less emotionally complete than women. I directed him to this thread asking to have Patty read just how caring, loving and compassionate men are. Through experience I've found that shallowness is pretty evenly distributed between the sexes. Patty, I hope you've read this entire thread and have come to understand that men are deep and kind. Heck, I'd always considered myself unique in this regard until this thread. Either I enjoy the company of other goofballs here or our gender has been vindicated, LOL.

Lance is off to a great start. I'm really rooting for him. Like a lot of other gifts I've received through my illness, the time to really pay attention to the Tour as it unfolds is one of the more exciting. Win or lose he is giving us all a lesson in the value of living life large.

It seems Lance is in control.

I had to resume the pain meds on Sunday so I'm not going to write a lot. I'm sort of ripped from it but after a few days I'll not be having that benefit. S*#t.

Went to the doc today and will begin another chemo regimine tomorrow afternoon. This drug is Irinotecan (Camptosar). It should help as long as my body doesn't have a negative reaction to it. Don't know and didn't ask how long it might work. I did ask how long I would have if I did no drugs. With sadness on his face he said, "Two months". I think those two words should give you guys a pretty good indication of how I'm doing. For two days now I have successfully controlled most of the pain. During this time I haven't listened to any music. Albert called, Frank Shroder called and Larry Howkins called. I enjoyed talking to each of them so I still have some zest for life. Of course, Barb is still very interesting.

Go Lance.

Maybe yesterday's post was a little too matter of fact. I did the chemo today and seem okay with it. I do hope it helps. I'd love to feel well enough to go to the Audio Fest and get to spend some time again with Frank. Besides, there would probably be a bunch of you guys there that I haven't yet met.

I'd like you guys to keep this thing in perspective. I'm not miserable. I'm uncomfortable at times and a lot of things that are unique to cancer and the various medications cause me some grief but it's not that big a deal. Honest. If this was just some sickness in passing then it would be no big deal to wait it out and get better. I can rise to the occassion whenever the phone rings or I have a visitor. I still enjoy both. Left to my own devices by myself I just want to lay down and rest. In better times I'd be listening and cleaning vinyl if nothing else.

I've reduced my list of things to do to a very short and do-able one. So, I'm going to stop feeling miserable about not finishing things up. I'm also growing up some. Meaning that I'm not responsible for things the cancer either makes me do or not do.

Remember to not take today for granted. Make the most of it and reach out to someone you love NOW! Those of you that have followed this thread closely must realize that my circumstances have made it possible for me to mend fences, reaffirm love and find peace. Sure, maybe a heart attack or fatal stroke would be easier to endure but remember that you won't have the time to make things right if that is how God chooses to take you home. Make things right for yourself and others now while you have time. Life will be more robust and pleasurable for doing so. I don't want to preach to you about this and I certianly don't want to come across as some old guru sitting on a hilltop. It's just that the things I speak of have unfolded for me and I want very much for you to gain from this. You won't be taking one single thing with you when you go but you'll be leaving a lot behind. Let your legacy be one that made peace.

Go Lance!

Today has been a tough day for old Lugnut. I've felt I'm breaking down a little bit, crying a lot. WbDillon's (Bill to me) post tore me up and it's hard to explain. Bill and I go back to fourth grade. Bill has been with me in my fight against lymphoma and now stomach cancer. We've done so much together through the years that I can't even recall the highlights anymore. The highlights just don't seem to matter much. What does matter is the time we spent together. What flashes before my minds eye when I think of Bill is him rowing and me fishing. When he said I was lucky, that is an understatement. Fishing could suck for days but when I'd show up they would be turned onto whatever I happened to have tied on. When I would lift my rod too soon and pull the fly out of a trout's mouth Bill would tell me I might have to lose my polaroid glasses. He'd tell me where he saw a huge rise the day before and cheer me on if I dropped a fly in that spot taken by old grandma. The guy would row upstream so I could fetch a fly out of a bush. He is a great mentor and a dear friend.

The situation I'm in now is just so umpredictable. I felt okay for a couple of days after chemo but then I crashed hard. Slept most of the time and have been pretty depressed too. I can't stand to look at myself in the mirror any longer. I don't look sick anymore. I look like someone that's going to die. Something about my eyes, I guess. I've come to realize that this process is bringing a lot of pain to people that really care about me and I hate it. I'm not perfect but I most certainly don't like to hurt anyone. I look at my wife, friends and family and know that their hearts are just being ripped out of their chests from this and there is nothing I can do to stop it. I read about me and feel that I'm now in the past tense. That hurts. So, in a few ways I'm weakening. I know I don't need to ask but cut me some slack. Okay?

A good friend from Lincoln, Nebraska, Mickey, called today and he and Steve Smith are coming out soon. These are the guys that came late winter/early spring and rebuilt my brick planters. Hopefully, we'll be able to spend time together listening to music and talking about days gone by. Mick and Steve want to see me while there is something left to see. Mick says it's okay if I can just give them an hour a day. I didn't realize that love does, in fact, hurt so much. I'm loved and it hurts those that love me for what I'm going through and it hurts me that they are having to edure this.

Doug, you and Paul occupy a special place in my heart. I enjoy you because you are comfortable in your skins just as I am in mine. Albert, you've given me more miles of smiles than I'm entitled to. Larry, your faithful calls, caring way and gentle demeanor are special to me. Nate, there's never been anyone at this site who's moniker is further from the real person. You're a sweetheart. Howard, maybe I can send a photo if I can only get enough energy! J.D., there is a bond that only you and I share.

How does one explain Paul? A man that is unselfish, caring, compassionate and gentle. Why would someone I didn't know start this thread? Maybe it's because he's experienced his own personal pain and just hates it that others hurt as well. I prefer to think of it a little differently. I believe that God uses us to his benefit whenever possible. I believe that has been Paul's role in all of this.

Again, cut me some slack. This post has been an especially hard one for me to make and it probably sounds like I'm saying goodbye. I don't think I am but I just hate to leave things unsaid and undone. You just never know. I do dream of making it to the Rocky Mtn. Audio Fest and spending a little time with Frank.

Lance is doing pretty good considering his team is not helping him that much. Keep it up!!

Hey Guys,

It's uncanny how a few posts from you guys lift me up. Without you I would be in a very different place. I seem to be needing less rest each day but I don't think I'm tolerating this chemo well enough to continue it's use. We'll see what happens tomorrow at my oncologists visit after getting the blood work done. I'm sure that my red blood cells took a massive hit and that's why I've been so tired. Of course, in every type of chemo the intent is to suppress the immune system so my white cells were hit hard too. In all fairness to the chemistry my stomach is improved some. I still have most of the complaints from fluid build up but cope well without any pain meds.

Barb is adjusting her work schedule so that she can be with me more. Our daughter, Amanda, comes over every morning. She offers to fix me breakfast and stays patiently, quietly, with me until Barb comes home. Barb is off today so we have made plans to visit a friend at his new home near the banks of the Snake River. This is a 1920's farm house on a sizeable acreage complete with barn and outbuildings. He's working feverishly to complete a dedicated music room in the second story of the barn. His new system he asked me to buy for him needs to be hooked up and dialed in and I would really like to hear the results. I just love this place. Sitting on the front porch with its southern exposure one can view the Owyhee Mountains still capped with a little snow. Whenever I sit there I want to listen to Crosby, Stills & Nash's "Our House". It just has that feel. It catapults me back in time to when Barb and I were first married living in the oldest farm house in Sarpy County Nebraska. The parties we used to have there!

My sister Mary called yesterday to say she is once again coming late this month and staying until early August. She is certainly proving to be her father's daughter. Dad was a wonderful example of caring and compassion. He always made time to comfort loved ones and Mary is doing exactly as he would have done. I wouldn't doubt that Mick and Steve will be here at the same time. As long as each of them have a comfortable place to sleep I'll be happy. They all know and like each other so if this happens it should be a lot of fun.

One of my fellow club members, an emergency room doc, called as well and wants to come visit as soon as I'm able. Glen is a sweet and caring guy. I helped him install a new cartridge on his Denon table recently and he's most happy with the results. He wants to have an anual Patrick Malone Vinly Night. Hearing this brought tears to my eyes and choked me up.

Zaikes, not to worry. I've seen you haven't been posting. I'll surely enjoy whatever tunes you send my way. Keep cheering Lance on. We are now at the stage in that race which will separate the men from the boys.

Howard, I think of you often. You sent me the Lance book which contained some gems I really needed to read. It doesn't matter that we have not physically met. You've shared yourself repeatedly in this thread and in private emails to an extent that I know you well. Thanks for being faithful. Also, you're spot on about this thread being the best of what the internet can be.

Lou, thank you for your post. I've been a lot of things in my life but always wondered if I'd leave anything meaningful behind. If you have gained anything from my thoughts expressed here and it has helped you, I'm pleased beyond anything I can say about it. Your uncle, father and friend have been blessed to have you.

Tvad, my heart cries out for the pain you must have felt with your father. I'm so sorry. Still, I'm sure he gave it the best shot he knew how and you will find comfort in that at some time. We're all different and can only do what is possible for each of us. Witnessing a death is being part of the most intimate of personal experiences. Those approaching this point realize it and react according to inner needs. I trust he left these earthly bounds in a way that worked for him. Peace to you.

Wc, you have experienced what we all dread. Coming here and offering comfort to me while reliving your personal tragedy proves to me you have arrived. I'm so sorry for your loss and can only hope that you gained much from your experience. I think so. My role, like your wife's, isn't much fun but deep down I know I've got the easier part. Your suffering continues. May it ease with each passing day. Thank you for your thoughts.

Larry, only a few of us are blessed with friends like you. Not a day goes by that I don't feel the vibes coming my way from Miami. I can't help but smile about the connection with your business and you as a person. What a perfect fit. For those that don't know, Larry is a major importer of flowers. Incredible flowers. Things of rare beauty. I urge you to post the story about your relationship with your growers here for others to read. It's amazing and says volumes about your character. You're probably too humble to do so and it's not my place to out you. Consider, this thread is about all of us, so please share this heartwarming story.

Swampwalker, give your wife a big hug for me. I've been cheering her on. The Taxol is an incredible drug which is responsible for the good times I've enjoyed and I'm so thankful. Thanks to you too for being there for her. And yes, this is an incredible community. Simply amazing.

Mark, your pain comes through clearly. I'm sorry for your struggles. It's hard to witness a loved one endure the poisons, maybe harder than enduring them personally. I have hope but not of this world with me in it in a physical sense. I hope that you can find some comfort within this thread as I have gained comfort here. I hope that you accept whatever the future unfolds in your life for you and your father. Love is the key.

Chad, thanks for your kind words. God's blessings are most welcome in the Lugnut household.

I'll let you guys know what happens at the doc's on Thursday. Wish me luck.

He he. Lance is where he needs to be right now to pull this off!!! Barring some accident history is being made. Go Lance!

I'm baaaaccckk. Kind of. My mind must be slipping. Today's visit was with a replacement since my doc is on vacation. Apparently all of my symptoms are drug (chemo) related, so in for another treatment I went. I'm too pooped right now to write much but in a few hours I'll be up for awhile on the steroid high, for what that's worth. By Saturday I'll be sleeping non-stop again. Hope to put some listening time in tonight while the getting is good.

Dean, I'm really thrilled about what Lance will likely accomplish. I love seeing history being made in front of my eyes. He probably wouldn't be the cyclist he is if it were not for his cancer. The chemo radically changed his body making him a better rider. For once now the false charges of doping aren't being leveled against him. I also agree with Gregadd. Somebody needs to challenge him hard to make this exciting. For sure Ray, if Lance were to drop by he'd get an earful. Whether it stuck or not would be determined by the sweet spot in his heart.

Joe, I have been thinking about you a lot wondering how your table is coming and if you have designed a better plinth. Let me know too if you can do a down and dirty little project for me. I've got an idea.

Just to let you all know that alternative medicine is beginning tomorrow thanks to Nate. His family has some personal experience with what he sent and I'm pretty excited to give it a try. Thanks buddy and sorry I missed your call when I was at the doctor.

So, what kind of folks do we have here? Zaikeman (Alex), as you can tell from his post had compiled a couple of CD's of Coltrane music for me. Well, I received them today and included was a CD player for those times when flipping an album isn't convenient. Alex, you must have been a mind reader! There are times I would like to listen but just don't have the energy to expend flipin' those darn albums. Thank you so much for this special kindness. Now, all I need to do is contact a couple of friends here locally and borrow some CEEDEE's.

You're an amazing bunch. "Miles of Smiles" Porter called last night and got me charged up. We've gotten to know each other really well and are kindred spirits. We both recognize fully the connection between music and the thoughts that are shared in this thread. Both of us have been "fix it" type guys our whole lives and Albert is perplexed as to why he can't come up with the fix for what ails me. Me too. Maybe there's some type of tube power supply or something yet to be tried that he will put together for my health benefit. I know this: if I can be fixed with tubes then Albert will figure it out.

Peace to all and Go Lance Go!

Great lyrics Mejames!! My memory kicked in this afternoon through a phone call. Some of my words were paraphrased back at me in a gentle way reminding me that the price I'm paying now with some fatigue may provide me with some really good days down the road, relatively speaking. The reality that I may get better is just as possible at this point as getting worse even though getting worse IS going to happen whenever it happens. It's time to just pay my dues and maintain a hopeful outlook. That isn't being in denial. I always knew it was going to get tougher and now isn't any time to cave in to self sympathy that would burn up good moments in waste. When the going gets tough audiophiles need to listen for the phone to ring. Thanks for calling me, my friend.

Guys,

I do feel that the chemo and Nate's potion is helping the cancer. It doesn't take an overly sensitive person to be in contact with your body to the extent you can tell new sensations are part of tumor growth. I can say that some of the unwanted sensations are lessening. I now also have enough time under my belt with this drug to understand the daily side effects. Knowing what to expect helps even if you don't look forward to it. If you know what I mean. Eating is a little easier now than before I began this drug but it's still a challenge. Drinking enough fluids is the biggest challenge in all honesty. Every fluid I consume tastes bad and with just a few sips I've had enough, feeling like I'm full. Too much more than that and I'm ready to hurl. Day by day though I can increase my fluid intake a little which is a very good sign. My color has improved and I no longer have the look of death that I saw in the mirror last week. It will be cool if the fatigue that should start this afternoon is less this time than last. That's the source of this stuff working in a detrimental way on my mind. Previously I could motivate myself over the effects of the drug induced fatigue. Last week I could not with this new chemo.

It's nice having you guys for a cheering section. Thanks.

I'm glad you guys like that picture. I do too. It was taken the Sunday after Father's Day by my daughter Amanda. She and Barb had purchased a flight for me in the old Warbird. At the moment that photo was taken I was smiling at my grandson Scott who was being held by Barb. I hope the little guy has a small memory of that day and how much grandpa enjoyed the experience. I'm telling you guys, I could steal one of those old planes and fly it, no sweat. Thanks for posting it Joe.

I find myself staring at this monitor way too much without the ability to say anything to you guys. Speechless isn't a normal Lugnut condition. Fear isn't a usual part of my makeup either but I now fear the words I might write. I hesitate to say I'm getting a little better or a little worse. That part of living is very much like a yoyo. Up and down, over and over. I do feel better than a couple of weeks ago and can eat a real meal now. I consume a lot more fluids than before too. The unreal fatigue that goes along with this chemo hit me like a ton of bricks on Sunday afternoon. At this writing (Tuesday 7 a.m.) it seems to be lessening quite a bit. I'm hoping that I'll feel up to getting out of the house this afternoon with Barb. We both deserve a break from the confines of this house.

Tomorrow is my next scheduled doctor's appointment with chemo usually following. I've asked to postpone the chemo until Friday since Mick and Steve will be here on Thursday afternoon. That would work much better for our visit and I'd venture a guess that's what will happen. I can at least get the blood work and the doc visit out of the way so that Friday will be only a couple of hours for the infusion. I'll be really pissed if I can't have it my way.

For the sake of honesty I've decided to share with you what Jphii and I are doing. This is Lugnut at his best, IMO. Friday last Barb and I went to the crematorium to make my final arrangements. Everything is subject to change at Barb's desire but here are my plans. There will be no death notice. There will be no services in the traditional sense. I wish to leave this world in the same fashion I came into it, sans clothes. I'd feel best if one of my local friends were to witness my cremation. I'm not sure who to ask and even if it is appropriate to do so. I'm reaffirming here what I've expressed to a few, and that is I DO NOT wish to be baptized after death by the LDS Church. My belief system is based solely on the Holy Bible and have rejected Mormon beliefs while living and expect my wishes to be honored by them in my death. (Sorry about posting this but it is important to me) Anyway, Joe is making an urn for my ashes. The finished design isn't complete but let's just call it a rectangular box, about 3-4" deep. On the front there will be a recessed circle containing a vinly disk covered with gold leaf. The album label will have my name with appropriate dates and perhaps a song list of my top five picks. The photo Joe posted will be displayed below the record. So, old Lugnut's going to have his own Gold Record. I'll then reside in the music room as long as it exists.

This coming Saturday is the day previously scheduled to go fishing with Bill and Tom. I simply cannot do it but hope that Tom and Bill go together. I promise the fish will be biting just knowing that I should have been there. One of my favorite spots on the river is an eddy aptly named Osprey Hole because of the nesting raptor's that raise their young nearby each year. The river hits a rock face cliff, makes a hard right as a result but creates an incredible eddy about forty yards long at the cliff. A skilled oarsman can enter the eddy and with some effort hold the boat inside of it allowing the caster to fish to visible trout on the rise. I've caught some enormous fish there and just know that one is waiting to be caught in my honor Saturday. A big fish will work to escape the eddy if hooked and only a very skilled oarsman can get the boat out of there quick enough without capsizing to chase it downstream. That, audiophiles, is living exceptionally large. It is some of the best times you could possibly have. Maybe Mick, Steve and I could travel up there later in the day and share a campfire with Bill and Tom. That would be a hoot.

After writing about fishing I've been sitting here looking at this computer screen remembering how fortunate I've been to live where I do. Idaho is a national treasure that nobody seems to know about. Two thirds of it is public lands. Fish, wildlife, scenery to die for, historic places and unique people make up what I call home. I've said it before but feel compelled to say it again, Idaho is the most live and let live place I've ever been. It's beauty and charm will remain but it's changing so fast as to make my head swim. Where I live is growing at a pace that is truly frightening. Just like L.A., we have already peopled this valley beyond it's ability to sustain the masses with water. We've paved paradise and made it a parking lot.

Go Lance!

Just a short note until things quiet down here in a few days. I have house guests and am thoroughly enjoying myself in spite of my limitations. A lot of locals are coming by today so this place is going to be a zoo. My sis will be here mid week too. My preamp has developed issues and this is driving me crazy. I don't have the time or the vitality to deal with it and hate leaving it for Barb to deal with. I'm very angry with Mick not having a US repair facility considering how many customers there are in the US. I'm pretty sure he's concerned about disclosing schematics to anyone but he should be smart enough to realize that these things are easy enough to reverse engineer by anyone determined to steal his secrets. As good as the Syrah can be mine is a real pain in the ass which I wish I'd never heard. Sorry to vent. At least that shows you I'm still alive. LOL.

Yeah, Jsonic I've been concerned about folks feeling like they are watching an impending train wreck. It's okay. I don't want any guilt here, just some little positive aspect to become a permanent part of you.

I'll write more later. Remember, I love your thoughts!!

Good morning everyone. Went to the doc yesterday and surprise!!! I get a week away from chemo. That's really great news to me on several levels. The biggest being that maybe I can shake off the fatigue a little bit. I am feeling better in regard to eating and processing of food and that's a very good sign. I don't want to overstate this however. I've lost more weight. I continue to have fluid buildup in my abdomen which is telling, in that it means I still have tumors irritating something. All in all I'm pleased with how things are going considering I didn't think I'd be this well off a couple of weeks ago. Thanks to everyone for the encouraging words.

J.D., No I'm not interested in the AI. The Syrah works well enough and besides my cartridge is low enough output (.24 mv) that it wouldn't work without a step up tranny anyway. The insane part about the Syrah is that the problem is very intermittant. The good news is the CDP Alex sent sounds very good if fed a nice recording. I'm slowly acquiring a nice selection of digital music for those times I just want to relax. So much good music is available only on CD. I can now say I've rejoined the ranks of perfect sound forever. LOL. My daughter Amanda helped me shift some vinyl around in the shelving while we listened to The Waterboys and Greg Brown. We both enjoyed these disks a lot.

Okay, Neil Young fans!! Bill Dillon brought over a copy of the new Greatest Hits double LP set as a gift. To die for. The original master tapes were used and Neil himself was involved in the final mastering. IMO, this is worthy of buying even if you already have it all on other records. The instruments and vocals are more fleshed out than on the originals and rivals the sound quality of my Natilus Harvest. I'm not in total agreement that this is the definitive greatest hits though. Missing in action is Cortez The Killer which I think is his best work. Like A Hurricane has equally moving guitar work but the singing isn't on a par with Cortez, IMO. Hey Hey, My My (Out Of The Black) is another included probably for the guitar work, and one I would have not included. Otherwise I'm in total agreement with the remaining playlist. This LP would also be a great primer for those wanting to become familiar with Young without buying a lot of different LP's. I was somewhat concerned about the flow from one song to another but this wasn't an issue at all upon first listen. This is a limited production run like all of his vinyl released since 1990. Buying it is also a good investment. If you simply check the prices of Silver And Gold, Harvest Moon and what other later vinyl issues are going for you'll see what I mean.

I agree that Lance winning #7 is pretty incredible. No doubt about his dominance of the sport. (Did I hear a collective sigh of relief from all the European riders? He he.) I'm very curious about his comments regarding entering the political arena. Hmmm. I hope he keeps in mind that if that pack wants to get you, it will. Still, I wish him good luck.

My sister, Mary, will be here tomorrow evening. Hopefully we'll be able to really enjoy our time together. If nothing else we'll rediscover some aged vinyl with a few new vintages thrown in for good measure. I'd like to take her out to Ron's place near the Snake River. (you know, the porch that makes me want to listen to Our House) When Mick and Steve and I went out there I took my camera to get a porch view shot. Unfortunately, as navigator I got carried away shooting the bull and we ended up driving about forty miles out of our way and losing the light to get a good evening shot of the mountains. Maybe this time I'll pay more attention, get the shot and post it here so you guys know why I love it so much.

Thanks to Cello I installed my new (and cooked) tonearm cable last week with the help of Mick and Steve. After about 12 hours of play it seems to have settled down into what its meant to be. I'm very happy. The Airy 3 and the cable have taken my system to a level where the only improvements that could happen require replacing of major components. Not to boast. Really. Just the facts. I do think my system is maximized with the exception of some electrical which might happen in the near future. It really is time to just sit back and enjoy and that's a very good feeling.

Bluebull, the jersey was worn on Monday in celebration of our team victory. Denis, I'll keep resurfacing. Best to all.

Pat

Doug,

If you would have mounted the cartridge right side up in Miami for Sleeps With Angels it would have sounded okay.

Alex,

If Lance is starting in Northern California and going to D.C. then he just might come to Boise. There are several great bike races here and he'd be honored by we citizens if he did pass through. For sure, I'd get out to cheer at him.

The CDP may be a gift from heaven if I need to send the preamp off. I'd already considered the variable outputs.

And Alex, I'd really recommend you do go out and fish. About the only thing I can think of that I haven't done enough of is swimming. Now I wish I'd spent more time in the water. Simple things we enjoyed as kids are some of the best things we can do as adults. So much to do in a lifetime and never enough time.

Lou, Mary and I both are huge Neil Young fans so we always listen to his stuff when together. In the world of rock we both love the joint family tree that resulted from Buffalo Springfield and The Byrds. So many good groups and wonderful tunes came about as a result of those guys it still makes my head spin. You can imagine the vinyl I pull when we get on a roll. When my friends were here last week we pulled David Crosby's "If Only I Could Remember My Name". Man, I wish someone would find the master tapes and reissue this masterpiece to audiophile standards.

One thing for sure, of all the fine folks I've met personally here at Audiogon I think I'm most like Albert. I bothers me NOT if a record is less than audiophile grade IF the music moves me. I demand my system to allow me to enjoy the music I love. When Bill Dillon was over and we listened to NY's Greatest Hits he remarked how listening catapults us to a different time and place. My brother called recently and he remarked how much he doesn't like music videos because it ruins the connection the mind makes with where you were when you first heard a song. I agree with him 100%. It's too bad I'm not more like Albert. If I were I'd have about a zillion tubes to roll and my system would have a dead silent background too. But then I'd also tell many really bad jokes too. As if that's a bad thing.

Nate, I heard you laughing. And Doug, you know I love you but you need some rock 'n roll in your life while I need some more classical. Too bad we don't live closer so both could rub off of one another. Larry sent me some classical CD's I enjoy a lot.

FWIW, I can't figure this health stuff out at all. I felt like crap yesterday and today I feel really good. Go figure. I'm glad I'm feeling good today. One of my fellow club members is coming over this afternoon amd I'm betting he brings some vinyl that hasn't seen a stylus for years. And later we'll pick up Mary and probably go out to dinner. Barb and I haven't done that for quite some time and to think that was one of our weekly or bi-weekly dates. It would be nice for her to enjoy some small slice of the way things used to be with us. The poor woman might as well have the same thing wrong with her as I have. She's suffered right along with me and has remained cheerful in the process. Just for me. Bless her heart.

Denis, can't wait to get a report on your Sota. Please let us all know how it goes. Time to warm up some tubes and listen to The Waterboys again until my guest arrives. A good weekend to all.

Another steroid high started about five minutes ago. Of course, thanks to the chemo this afternoon. Still, I enjoy feeling good enough to do something, like writing to this thread. LOL. I really don't have much to say on the health front except I feel yucky most of the time. Enough so that I honestly don't want to do much even when on this chemical boost. Hopefully Barb and I will go to a local outdoor Blues Fest tomorrow from noon til 9 pm. I'd need to find some lasting shade to sit in cause I surely don't have a tan this year.

Okay fellow Springbok fans. I upgraded our cable so I can actually get to see some action rather than reading about it online. It seems my team is on a roll lately. The weather is cooling off here somewhat and I may even wear the LUGNUT #1 jersey while I watch. And Denis, that video made me think of me being the chased and the cheetah being the cancer. The runner had two meanings for me. The first thought was of God the second was of this wonderful group here which has picked me up and carried me away more than several times in the last nine months. Thanks for pointing me to it. Bluebill, are the New Zealand All Blacks all black or is that just a name? Seems kind of last century to me.

Swampwalker, Nate and the rest of the reunion guys, I really hope I can make it to Denver. I'm not very optomistic about my chances though. If I can make it my guess is I'll wish I had that Snoopy hat Doug speaks of. The doc assured me that the next drug, if I choose to use it, will blow off all my hair. That's not a very pretty mental image. And Albert, not to worry about me showing off this bod with or without the Snoopy hat. Poor, poor pitiful me. ROTFLMAO.

Okay, so Zaikes is a Leo too. Interestingly, my oldest friends are all Leo's too. Bill, Mickey and Steve. How many of you guys are Leo's too? I don't give much credit to astrology but I've got to admit I'm a classic Leo. Such friendships are supposed to be pretty rare. Okay Leo's let us know!!!!

Again, thanks for the birthday wishes and the phone calls. You guys are really faithful. Also, a special thanks to Jphii for making me an urn and to Lngbruno for making this thread into a book. I really appreciate these works and can assure you my family will as well.

I'm glad you guys enjoyed my story about unleashing my wrath on that poor, young, budding deaf person. It was accidental. Sorry but the real Lugnut rarely would do something like that. In my, dumber, younger days maybe.

Thanks for the Birthday wishes from all you guys! The night alone with Barb in the hotel was really nice. The room was great too. We went to an Italian restaurant and had some stuff neither of us had hear of. The chef was even kind enough to provide me with a recipe of a really great rice dish I had with my meal. We went to the local record store and I bought three albums. Now, I'll share my guilty pleasures with you. For quite some time I've been trying to find a good copy of Meat Loaf's "Bat Out Of Hell" album. I just love Paradise By The Dashboard Lights. After all this time I can still remember the excitement of sucking face and getting a handful parked on some lonely road in the outback of Nebraska. Nobody tells that story better than Meat Loaf. Also picked up a Japanese pressing of "Centerfield" by John Fogerty. Man, is this record recorded nice and the content is very, very good. I also replaced a slightly warped "Dreamboat Annie" on Nautilus by Heart. All used records in very good condition for less than twenty bucks. Not a bad shopping day. Sure beats buying back to school clothes.

I did step up and buy a sealed 180 gram reissue of David Crosby's "If Only I Could Remember My Name". Haven't received it yet but maybe tomorrow or Monday.

Hi EVERYONE,

I'm up early today so thought I'd take the time to fill you in on what's been happening. Mary's visit was very pleasant. I probably bored her a lot since we only left the house one time while she was here. We did listen to some music but again not like times previously. Humorous story here too. Since I've had trouble finding things I can drink and tolerate the flavor of my wife recently picked up some bottled, caffine free "RX" brand "Stress" type tea. It's really tasty and not too sweet. Well, Mary and I both drank it while she was here and we both napped a lot. LOL. After reading what types of tea are used, they all are meant to relax you and put you to sleep. We went out to Ron's place (the one with the Owyhee Mountain Range view) and both napped there too. Ron was nearing completion on his music room he built in the second story of his barn. Nice room but long enough to create some acoustic problems. We also set up his system, at least temporarily, and fired it up. The BIX turntable has some speed stability issues we'll have to look into. GROAN. The poor guy is charting territory with every piece of gear he owns and I can't download from my head to his all the crap I know. And, what I know is rarely enough. As most of you understand, even reasonable hi rez playback is difficult to get right and requires a lot of research. Ron's a quick study and his room/system doesn't require a lot of tweaking but the problem is how busy he is with the rest of his life. He has a business to run which is located where major road construction is starting. Groaning for him as I write. He's getting his Nampa home ready to sell and has been busy moving into his new to him home near the Snake River. Of course, building the music room was a huge undertaking in the middle of this. His dad is moving soon and guess who will be doing all the work? The dad has more stuff than you can imagine. Moving from one farm to another and being an auctioneer like Ron his collection of cool, unusual stuff is too vast to describe. They are partners in a seed business selling high quality alfalfa seed for planting which requires them to bag the tonage of seed into 100# bags, selling and delivering it too. Like I mentioned, he is also an auctioneer which takes up several days per month. He also finds time to give a helping hand to "select" inmates paroled from our penal system. His criteria for helping them is pretty high. All of the ones he helps are non-violent offenders with no family support. He finds them a place to live, buys them a vehicle and insurance and either employs them or finds work for them. Some of them get returned to incarceration, usually for failing a pee test, or drinking if that's prohibited too. Watching the successes and failures of these guys has shown me that many are redeemable. I guess I don't see how they could have done it without his help. He's no bleeding heart just like myself but feels strongly that giving an ex-con $40 and saying, "go out and join society" is a recipe for disaster. His commitment is personal, costly and done without any fanfare. He is part of the solution, a lesson that most of us could learn a great from if only we were lucky enough to see it first hand like myself. Each of us has the power to change lives without screaming for the government to do it for us. Just like this thread has done for me but on an entirely different level.

My health is okay, I guess. Long periods of inactivity may be as much to blame for my fatigue as the drugs, and or the cancer. I had a week off from chemo and felt better for the break. I begun another round yesterday and that's why I'm so chatty today. Another round of steroids providing me with a boost of energy for a couple of days. That's good but the potential to blurt out something aggressive is always there and I must constantly fight that tendency. Most of my friends understand and laugh at me (or simply remind me if I don't apologize first) for it. LOL. Here's a good one. I can't remember who the passenger was in my car but about a month ago I was driving to Ron's store. On the way I pulled up to a very long red light at a five way intersection. Some poor young dude, with a horrible taste in music and the technology to make him go deaf at an early age, pulled up along side me with his windows down. I took the audio assault for about a half nano-second and screamed over to him to turn the f*&#@r down. I guess my look must have shown him I was serious because he did turn it WAAAAY down. Lucky I didn't get shot in the face. You gotta admit though that somebody NEEDS to say something like this and maybe I'm the perfect person, being kind of expendable as I am. LOL.

Barb is kidnapping me this afternoon. I know she has gotten us a really nice high roller room in a downtown Boise hotel for the night. She and I haven't spent a lot of time together alone without interuption lately. Sunday is my birthday and this is kind of a celebration of sorts. It looks like I'll reach the double nickel (my high school football jersery number) unless I get run over by a city bus in Boise or smart off to someone packing a pistol. I'll probably spend a few hours at the local record store which is only a few blocks from where we're staying. We'll just let the evening and tomorrow morning unfold.

Doug, if those lyrics remind you of me I don't want the tears to last long. Hopefully they will bring a smile to your face. And Nate, trust me, Doug won't be wearing a tutu any time soon.

Albert, sometimes the truth makes the recipient feel good. I meant every word. Who knows, maybe I can return to Dallas. I can do it on my own nickel too. Selling the Nova has given me the ability to do that. Maybe we can convince Gumby to come too and I know Nate is chomping at the bit to have a reunion. If I'm lucky I'll see you at the Rocky Mountain Audio Fest. I wish I could make plans right now but don't feel that's the right thing to do. This situation is just so uncertain. You may want to consider getting the 45 rpm version of David Crosby's "If Only I Could Remember My Name" lp. I'd get it myself but decided to get a new 33 1/3 since changing speeds on my table is a pain in the ass. More world class druggies on this recording than you can shake a stick at and good stuff too.

Bluebull, sorry but it's been over a 100° here for awhile. I'm into T shirts, comfortable pants and sandals until we get some relief. Whenever it cools a bit I'll be rotating that jersey into my regular rotation of attire. People ask about it and I have several lies I tell them. Geez, people are so gullible if you can say it with a straight face.

Zaikes, I simply cannot understand those guys taking the southern route except that they will be hitting higher population centers for most of the trip. A northern route would be such a better ride for them on so many levels. Not to mention that we folks that live in the boondocks rarely get treated to anything resembling this. Still, I'll follow it, continue to wear my Live Strong braclet and hope that Lance stays out of the cesspool of politics. I'm hoping that he will enter some of the other races here in the states since he's proven what he set out to do in France. Alex, I again thank you for the CDP. I'm getting more enjoyment out of it than I thought I would. Luckily I picked up a matching stand for it and the tuner so I can integrate it pretty well in the room aesthetically. The Syrah line stage does it justice.

Joe, thanks for the update on our project. I'll forward you a photo of the finished piece for you insert here at the appropriate time. You too are a very nice guy.

If you guys were looking for me to bitch about things I want you to know that I could if I wanted to. Nothing huge, nothing new. No point in going over these things again. Life is too short to waste on repeating things.

I hope you guys have read all of this. Thinking now that since I mentioned that the 7th is my birthday....greetings and congrats are welcome but please don't send me any gifts. Everyone has been so kind already.

One thing you guys might get a kick out of. Since surgery in early January I've changed a lot physically. Weighing in a about 50 less than my fighting weight, aging and graying too. None of the chemo blasted all the hair away but drastically thinned things out, especially in my mustache and goatee. The eyebrows, eyelashes and nose hair disappeared. Most of this is coming back now but at a snails pace. Funny thing is, my head hair is so wavy now it's almost curley. Amazing new look for old Lugnut. Barb loves it but I dunno how I feel. It's kind of a cross between Art Garfunkel and Clint Eastwood. Too bad it's not as long as before all this started. Maybe my ponytail would have been more than pencil thick. LOL.

Have a good one guys.

Pat

Denis,

I've already experienced the miracle of life and the best it has to offer. I've experienced the miracles of conceiving on the first attempt, and life as it evolves in that environment and birth. I will live on in a small way through my grandchildren which is a miracle to me. Death itself will be no less of a miracle whether it happens sooner than I'd like, or later. Should God grant me a miracle of healing or take me Home I've just got to go with it. It is out of my hands. I certainly do appreciate your take on that video clip and I hope it works out that way. He he. That might make this the worlds longest thread and piss some folks off. Just kidding.

My minds eye see the All Blacks. Can't figure out if that's a creative team name or pretty lame. Kind of a Woody Allen take on humor?

I've named two things in my life using my weird sense of humor. First, nobody names their drift boats around here. I named mine Row v. Wade. As in rowers of boats versus wade fishermen; a true conflict. The other was my street/race 67 Nova that ran in the 10's. It was white and powerful so my personalized plates read simply...POWER. More folks caught onto this than I thought. Everyone enjoyed the jab at those things that divide us rather than bring us together. Maybe all of us here should hyphenate our take on being American. Audiophile-American anyone????

Alex,

This is an interesting world. Idaho has a bad rap for white supremicists. Richard Butler and a small compound in northern Idaho consituted about 40 people total. Mr. Butler has been driven to bankruptcy by Idaho residents and had subsequently moved away. He has since died. The local northern Idaho folks instantly bring to attention any such activity. To make my point, I'd suggest that if you take any urban area where folks look down on Idaho, those cities have more racists living in just a few blocks than we do here in Idaho. I'd bet on it. For the most part we live in harmony excepting gang members shooting each other because of the influx of such from those, ahem, "enlightened areas" that look down on us. Thanks a lot California.

Regarding my license plates, it was a hoot at the drag strip. Most of my car friends just commented about how it was an extension of my personality. Sometimes though it was very interesting. At one of my favorite races of the year there was a couple of entrants that traveled to Idaho from Wyoming to compete and were obiously Indian. I've found that the most racist of all whites are those that live, or have lived anywhere near a reservation. On those occasions where I've been expected to tolerate rude comments about this continents first people I always took great pleasure in informing the rude person that I was of mixed blood and honestly don't know which of my primary bloodlines is a higher percentage, American Indian or Irish. These people just don't get it except when confronted with an informed knowledge of history. I love to make them squirm. I've also met very angry Indians with a bad attitude and can criticize them too without recourse. Mixed blood can be a blessing at times. I feel strongly, and urge everyone to consider my style, that those that wish to divide us through hyphenated labels be ridiculed and laughed down. Otherwise, we will become more tribal as time passes and therefor more divided. United we stand, divided we fall. We should all just try to be Americans. That doesn't mean we need to agree and cannot celebrate our ethnic heritage if we have one. We just need an environment where each of us can be praised or criticized based on the merits of our behaviors rather than pretending to be so sensitive because we belong to a sub group. Of course, I have no faith in that ever happening but I will continue to try and enlighten folks until I'm gone. God, I love my country so much it hurts. I also love my fellow Americans and wish each one of us the best of blessings this country has to offer. There is no group, no single individual anywhere whose shit doesn't stink, mine included.

As a very strange side note my experience with fly fishers is that they are exceptional folks, much like audiophiles. Highly educated too. Almost none of them "got" the name on my boat, even the waders as I drifted by on the other side of the river while they gave me a cranky stare. Go figure. Maybe when a guy goes fishing he gets tunnel vision to escape what ails us in our day to day lives. Audio is like that for me.

Martin Luther King gave us all some very important gifts even though he was a very flawed fellow, IMO. His comment about judging each other by the content of our character is burned into my brain forever and I've tried very hard to live these words. His followers that live today DO NOT live by his words with only a few exceptions, and those poor souls are insulted unfairly in an attempt to silence them.

Sorry to rattle on so much about this. Steroid high you know. But, it's important to me that I be understood by this group. My tactics in dealing with people throughout my life are unusual just like everything else I do.